The UK Government has announced that an extra Bank Holiday will be created later in the year in order to give weary Brits a day off after months of days off.
It will be named All Virus' Day.
Street parties will be compulsory for all UK residents save immigrant workers and their families who will be obliged to service the nation for the day prior to fucking right off to where they came from. Priti Patel will be excluded from this condition.
Yellow flags and bunting will be flown to signify both the Prime Minister's cowardice and the state of quarantine that the entire country will be obliged to live in until the Chernobyl environs are safe for habitation.
It is hoped that the day will kick start the second hand spam industry as well as provide a use for High Streets, empty since the failure of all retail outlets throughout Britain save Poundshop and Greggs.
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