Tristan Hazell lives and works in the shadow of the Westway on Portobello Road. What follows is a collection of observations, reviews, social comment, fiction, poetry, art criticism and more. Much of it is fiction and some of it will offend someone somewhere, I hope.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Middle aged men on kids scooters

Walking up Kensington Park Road the other day, pushing a buggy, enjoying the spring I was suddenly confronted by a fat middle aged guy hurtling downhill towards us on a scooter. As he passed I said: 'Aren't you too old for that'. He ground to a halt, turned around and came back. He said: 'You said something'.

I said: 'Yes. I said aren't you too old for that'.

He said: 'Why'.

I explained that while I understood the need for small children to be allowed to scoot on the pavement because the roads were dangerous I felt it was rather dangerous for adults to belt about the place without any care for other pedestrians.

He said: 'I don't agree. It is fun and it is good exercise'.

Having said his piece he then turned tail and scooted on down the hill.

The guy was FAT, he was exercising one leg on a part time basis. Had he been walking he would have been getting 4 times the exercise, had he been on a bicycle he would have been getting 8 times the exercise. He was fat and lazy and in denial.

What was most interesting was that by the fact that he came back to discuss the matter he let me know that he knew that he was fat and lazy. Aggressive defence being the refuge of the obese.


As the population grows we need to be more aware of the space we occupy and the space other people occupy. Just because we are fat and guilty does not give us the right to bully the people we envy.

Envy is nasty. Envious fat people should just eat less and leave the scooter at home.

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