Jan called round today. He is in trouble for all sorts of reasons not least because of the Luz Morales fiasco.
'I am undergoing a career change'. He stated.
I asked for an explanation. He provided one: ' I am changing the direction in which I am careering uncontrollably Tristan. I have discovered by accident what goes through the mind of a 15 year old boys Matronly aunt as she spits on her hanky prior to wiping from his mouth the detritus of a hastily eaten fish supper in a Surrey road house car park.'
That. I said, does not sound healthy Jan!
'It is the product of bosomly love Tristan! elderly poets on the brink of their expiry dates are subject to many manifests of bosomly love. It is a form of bullying. It brings offers of chicken soup (dumplings or no dumplings) and 4 dimensional hugs But when you get to my age what appears to a schoolboy as a matronly aunt is in fact (in terms of age percentiles) a very hot young babe'.
He went on: 'Bosomly love is causing a massive career change in me Tristan'.
'Bosomly love has me wringing my hands; the hands of a once doubting Thomas when it came to women.... This Thomas is no longer in doubt. this Thomas has seen into Matrons soul'.
when did Luz get her promotion? I asked.
'Yesterday. She became a matron yesterday!'
The wince is palpable.
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