Whatever comes to mind before I alter it with the overpaint of time. Mostly satire, poetry and fiction but occasional unreliable fact, as all facts seems to be today. From deepest Notting Hill. London.
Wednesday 17 February 2010
Rust in peace.
Accessing poetry.
The merciless bitch
Hey dude, why so down
and you're looking fucking white man
things are cool
stuffs happening.
I met a chick, hot as hell
mix of goth and EMO
she took me to her grotty flat
did MDMA and vodka
she spiked my drink
I think we fucked
I really can't remember
Then I woke up here man
in the gutter
I've lost my wallet
and my Bloc Party ticket
Bitch
Art, lies, nothing.
Maugham was a shit but a great story teller. Whenever I think of that man It confirms in me the need to separate the artist from his work.
I have the same issue with a muse; she was a great muse but not a great human being. Every word she spoke was a lie but such was her own self belief that her lies were utterly convincing.
Her beauty was so great that even when her lies were exposed she was forgiven especially by those people living simillar sorts of lies.
I thought I could cure her of her lying by letting her see that she was loved for what she really was. 'I'll try to stop lying'. She lied.
That muse caused me to produce some of my greatest work. But after she had gone (she got fed up with the truth; it wasn't comfortable) I went to the canvases and notebooks to review my work.
There was nothing there.
Sunday 14 February 2010
Lost things and loved.
Friday 12 February 2010
Missing the muse.
Missing my muse but not missing the human being that my muse used as avatar this most recent time. My inner therapist is pushing me to turn to my inner woman for inspiration but she is such a slut that I fear that she could only inspire filth.
I am 'house sitting' for friends for a couple of days; feeding the livestock (3 cats, 1 chicken) and warding off burglars. The chicken eyes the feedbag hungrily not noticing how I eye the chicken hungrily. However such is my frailty I fear that I would come off worse if it came to a fight.
Wednesday 10 February 2010
Another string to Fluentes' bow.
He calls it Tech Mex!
Tuesday 9 February 2010
Brian Patten, the Stranglers and the Roundhouse.
A year or so ago I had a beer with Hugh Cornwell of the Stranglers; I told him of that night and of my decision.
'You made the right choice'. He said.
ttp://www.brianpatten.co.uk/One_another_s_light.html
Poetry, George Best and Rock n Roll.
Nonsense.
Poetry has been around since Man's earliest grunts while Rock arrived with Bill Hailey and others in the 1950's.
Rock has for a while rather flashily stolen the ball and monopolized the pitch (like George Best crashing a sunday game in the park) But rock will burn itself out from decadent excess; the poets will kick the ball into touch for a moments silence before getting on with the game.
Once again a Nightingale will dazzle on the wing.
Sunday 7 February 2010
They say that poetry is the new rock n roll.
Out of control
Saturday 6 February 2010
Tin Pan Alley
He promises me that he will keep it lighthearted.
I shall of course be going to lend my support.
This weekly event is organized by Andreas Grant and is Where it is at as another generation might have put it.
Friday 5 February 2010
Haunted
It occured to me that I have already returned here from a previous life in order to haunt myself...
I certainly seem to know how to scare myself witless.
Monday 1 February 2010
Metaphors and venison pie in the Cow Notting Hill
The other thing we got talking about last night was 'the bullet in the balls' as a film metaphor for homosexuality or for a man being dominated by a woman.
We ate very good venison pie and drank too much beer and it was one of those nights when everyone turned up and the Cow became a party and I soon forgot all the stuff I was going to write so I'm having to make do with writing about the stuff i forgot to remember..
The Cow
book on a pub table and Lula Mae.
I'm reading Cormac McCarthy's Cities of the plain at the moment and last night in the Cow it got us onto a whole raft of topics including Hemingways sexuality and how hollywood addressed 'the love that could not be named' in the old days. Rock Hudson of course appeared in the conversation as did Heathcliffe and sad old M Bovary.
No mention of Brokeback Mountain though.
The book also got me thinking of Lula Mae in her gingham chaps... I hear she is on her way to Tucson Arizona.
A woman from chicago picked up the book and asked questions about McCarthy, whom she had never read. I of course waxed lyrical.
Friends and the bag woman.
I will however mention all my good friends who have helped in this time of need. Thank you.
And 'Heads'... I'm back.
Thursday 28 January 2010
How it is
I'd rather be alive and hated than dead and patronised.
You would not believe the shit I am having to go through at the moment so that Moll the bag lady can
maintain her reputation.
Please have patience. I will be back.
Wednesday 20 January 2010
Wednesday 13 January 2010
Postcards from Rusty. No. 23
He tells me that nurse Caz has left him for a snake oil salesman from Tupelo. He is returning to England.
Correct toothpaste procedure during courting.
she watched with burgeoning affection as I squeezed the toothpaste from the middle of the tube while I thought to myself; 'how much time will pass before I am admonished for squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube and nagged into squeezing from the end.
give me a cuddle, she said some time later, not a hard one but a long squeeze. so I squeezed her round the waist and told her that she would always be my toothpaste tube and that I would squeeze her for ever. All the while thinking to myself 'how long will this last.
And sure enough one day she pulls away and says: 'Dont squeeze me like that, if you squeeze me in the middle I'll be obliged to nag...
If only you were a foot fetishist, then you'd squeeze me right.
So I never squeezed her in the middle again and over the years the 'waist' which I had squeezed Into her dissapeared and she became tube shaped from all of my foot squeezing.
The only physical contact we have now is her monthly pedicure.
I noticed the other day that she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube and has always done so.
I daren't point this out to her.
Natural history.
Jannie, I never had a teddy bear as a child. I had a sea lion.
I didn't have a teddy bear either. Or a sea lion... I had a rock, a black rock.
I found it in the shed by the kitchen door when I had first started to walk. I took it into the house and very quickly formed an attachment to that black rock but my mother took it from me and threw it on the fire.
I cried for a while at the loss of my only friend but soon returned to the shed near the kitchen door and found myself another 'friend' with which to play. my mother equally as speedily threw that friend on the fire.
This process continued for some weeks until I was fast enough on my feet to get ahead of the fire whereupon my mother started putting the black rocks into a basket beside the fire place. She called me 'Mummies clever little helper' although I could not see how it could be construed as clever to burn all of my friends.
Since then I have found it impossible to form lasting relationships.
but i am known for my splendid coal fires.
Tuesday 12 January 2010
Window shopping and lardy cake.
Sunday 10 January 2010
Molls 60's acid flashback.
The end of the lighthouse keeper.
Orthodoxing Day.
Saturday 9 January 2010
Hogmanic tumbleweed.
The start of the new year heralds the arrival of of the mysterious urban tumbleweeds that plague our streets for a week or two. The local authorities will do their best to clear the damn things away, but not before they distribute their seeds in the minds of small children and romantic adults, ready to germinate at the beginning of December.
Perfection and striped shirts.
Thursday 7 January 2010
A train intrudes... But slowly.
But hey ho, upwards and onwards. it is time to bring out the dunkirk spirit, dust off the old stiff upper lip and head towards the light at the end of the tunnel...
Probably an oncoming train though...
fortunately this is England and any oncoming train will be glued to the track by snow and oncoming nowhere, in any way other than abstract wishful thinking, for the forseeable future.
A good time to play 'chicken' then!
Sunday 3 January 2010
Saturday 2 January 2010
Blocked.
Blocked. Unable to write, focusing on the block which compounds the problem.
I hope the new year brings inspiration... Anything will do.
Thursday 24 December 2009
The torture of a tortoise.
Linford is a tortoise.
I was told that Linford is not allowed to hibernate, much to his chagrin.
Mrs x tells me that it is important that the little fellow stays awake for his first winter otherwise he might develop some problems. I would imagine that keeping a tortoise awake against his wishes is going to cause some pretty serious psychological problems let alone the foul temper.
Mrs x went on to explain that she gives it hot baths regularly as well as allowing the children to prod it, sing to it, dress it up and decorate it.
I took a look at Linford; he did not look happy.
just very, very sleepy.
But, on the bright side he is one of the very few tortoises to have seen a christmas tree or felt the splot of a snowball on his shell.
Wednesday 23 December 2009
Cabin fever, murder and flight.
Being housebound with only the bag lady for company has led to the inevitable; we are at each others throats. Neither of us will dare drop our guard lest the other attacks with a broken bottle or carving knife.
I hear her late at night sharpening things. There is a book on poisons open on her bedside table. Open at the chapter on nicotine poisoning.
She is Googling 'hit men'.
I believe there is some kind of symbolism in her choice of flatware that she bring my lunch on.
I for my part am hoarding apple pips having read that they are (in large doses) deadly. How I am going to get her to consume 8 Kilos of the things is something i have yet to work out.
I must escape... I thought of going to France but the Eurostar trains have all broken down, B A is on strike, the airports are all closed due to asuggestion of snow and traffic is at a standstill on the roads.
I must find refuge!
Saturday 12 December 2009
Cauliflower, corporal punishment and coke.
There was a cauliflower in the coldbox so I decided to make cauliflower cheese. I thought it a good one; made with a good bechemel sauce, bacon and 3 kinds of cheese. Then sprinkled with breadcrumbs and parmesan and baked in the oven.
Moll (who's tastebuds have deserted her) thought it bland and inedible.
To me it called up my schooldays and was redolent of headmasters (Eric Forrester) study as he brought out his cane for the first and only time in our relationship.
'I am going to have to give you six'. He said. 'It will I am sure give you no joy and hopefully an amount of pain. On the other hand I shall derive a great deal of pleasure from it'.
My crime? My crime was to have written CUNT in weedkiller on his lawn a few days earlier. Is it my fault that I am dyslexic and was only attempting to demonstrate my knowledge of early British kings.
I feel sorry for the kids these days who have to explain FCUK to their dyslexic teachers. But at least the teachers are not allowed corporal punisnhment and they must look after their pupils as they are probably their coke dealers as well.
Is it not ironic that it is now our educators who have the learning difficulties. They have problems understanding that there is no point in an education any longer.
Best to keep drones in the dark.
Irony in a pig factory.
Ironically he has been forced back to working in the American pork products factory on the outskirts of his village.
'So'. said the overseer when he went back to work in the pig fat rendering vats. 'I see you are no longer waving Fluente but merely drowning'!
Nurse dreams in a potting shed.
I feel that the worst is over and I shall soon be in full command of my faculties
Sunday 6 December 2009
Wednesday 2 December 2009
Motoring with Tiger Woods.
while there I had a beer or two with an old friend Tiger. In fact we had too many beers and I told tiger there was no way he was driving.
'That's cool.' He said. 'I've got a driver.'
He climed into the passenger seat, started the car and while steering with his left hand pressed the accellerator pedal with a golf club.
The result was inevitable.
Tuesday 1 December 2009
A foot fetish explained.
But ours didn't break when the old man left
It broke much much later than that.
When the old man left things were hard
Mum worked in bars and pubs, did cleaning; anything she could find to keep us.
We lived in a one bedroom flat
Mum slept on the sofa in the living room
My sister and I slept in the same bed in the tiny bedroom
Head to toe.
I spent twelve years in that bed with my sister
Head to toe
I came to know her feet intimately
I knew every inch, every pore, every crease, every nail, every callous.
I learned to tell the seasons by the colour of her toes
I learned to tell her moods by the colour of her polish
I loved her feet
They were the first thing I saw in the morning
The last thing I saw at night.
We did everything in that bed together
Head to toe
Homework, super Nintendo, reading, hobbies, laughing, crying
I taught her to whistle
She taught me to knit.
I gave her hand knitted socks each Christmas
She whistled in admiration.
She taught me chiropody
I taught her reflexology
I gave her pedicures for her birthday
She cured my acne
I loved her feet.
Then one day, mum was out and that awful thing happened
The police called
There had been an accident, a girl , thought to be my sister had been knocked down by a truck
Would I go, in my mothers absence
To identify the body.
At the hospital the body was still in a bed covered by a sheet.
The doctor pulled back the sheet to reveal the dead girls head.
I exhaled with relief and said: No this is not my sister
My sisters head is at the other end of her body.
She never did come home though. Not after that.
But I found comfort in her shoes.
Monday 30 November 2009
Rusty, tumbleweed and Envy.
Studio talk
He said: Many years ago, when I was in my youth, I lived with an older woman; she was very beautiful and in demand. but I too was beautiful and in demand back then so everything seemed harmonious.
Until I said one night in bed: 'I love you.'
Don't say that she said. It is just a licence for me to abuse you.
why is that? I asked. Although I already knew the answer.
'Because'. She said. 'The first person ever to tell me he loved me then went on to abuse me and I now associate love with abuse and abuse with love... I would rather associate with shallow people who have no real feelings for me because they are safe and I am not obliged to form a real relationship with them.
'But you will get old'. I told her. 'And be alone and unwanted.
'So what'. She said. 'I will just commit suicide!'
'No you won't' I said. 'you will continue to behave as if you were a young woman and you will continue to ignore the people who really love you because they will not lie to you. And the eurotrash company you crave, because you buy into that shit, the eurotrash company will move on to the next generation and the people who really love you will have given up in exasperation.
And of course your father will be dead by then and by then it will be too late.
'Too late for what?' she asked.
'Too late to tell you I love you.'
Friday 27 November 2009
Lost coat update
This is the last time that I saw the thing was when it was being manhandled by a karate expert from Calgary.
It was being given the chop!
Thursday 26 November 2009
Romance
The first time I saw her
I thought
She has been unlucky
She was the most beautiful girl in the clinic
The second time I saw her
I thought
She had been careless
The beautiful girl in the clinic
The third time I saw her
I thought
She was promiscuous or worse
That girl in the clap clinic.
She was the most beautiful girl in the clap clinic
The fourth time I saw her
I thought
Stupid me, she is a doctor.
I approached her then and said
Doctor
You are the most beautiful girl in the clap clinic.
She replied:
I'm not a doctor
I'm unlucky
I'm careless
I'm promiscuous
or worse.
But I feel that is about to change.
We left the clinic hand in hand
Separated by the thickness of a surgical glove.
Later, much later as we lay
Her head on my chest her hair in my face
the scent of hibiscrub filling the white room.
I said I love you
And she said don't love me
I am unlucky
I an careless
I am promiscuous
or worse
And nothing has changed.
BEAT
I shall be there of course. If only to heckle! http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=197528849848&ref=nf
Penpal
We wrote to each other once a week. We did this for years.
Bill told me that soon there would be no need of letters (he was what you would call a bit of a geek), that we would communicate electronically through the ether. And would be able to have real time conversations.
I said: Bill. you are full of shit. That will never happen in my lifetime.
We stopped writing soon after that.
I wonder what became of Bill?
She complained as she poked her Facebook lover
Who poked her back
Unknowingly
from across the room
As he poked his facebook mistress
Wednesday 25 November 2009
Auto maintenance and feng-shui
What do you think Moll? I asked.
It's African isn't it. Nice. she replied. As she sorted through old Christmas decoration catalogues.
She then found a Feng-Shui plan for her appartment. At present I am sitting in the marriage area. Intelligence is in the lavatory... Can't say that I believe too much of this hokum.
Friday 20 November 2009
Domestic scene.
She said: Look son. You are 54 years old. You are going to have to leave home one day.
Friday 13 November 2009
Rain, pornography, coincidence.and Dungeness.
I decline Moll's offer of her pink umbrella and suffere the consequences as I attempt to travel across London by means of public transport; the tube system is truly awful and explains the miserable demeanour of it's occupants.
On the street I no longer get any satisfaction from splashing through the puddles although my preference for Converse in all weather probably has something to do with that. Moll is on at me constantly to get some work boots with steel toecaps...
Surely the toecaps will rust in this climate.
Somewhere near here. She says, passing me an old poloroid of two sisters standing fully and impeccably dressed on a beach.
I glance at the photograph then look again in shock. Moll notices my hand trembling. What is it? she asks.
I am too distressed to tell her that it is a photograph of Tilly and Buddy, daughters of a woman named Agat who had been my muse many years ago . I had once possesed an almost identical photo (probably taken the same day) of the girls.
Agat had traced me and sent the photograph with a note that read:
'The girls at Dungeness.'