No matter how much idiot Trump
Gives it his blessing or his tub a thump
might cure Malaria or ease gangrene
will never cure Covid nineteen
Whatever comes to mind before I alter it with the overpaint of time. Mostly satire, poetry and fiction but occasional unreliable fact, as all facts seems to be today. From deepest Notting Hill. London.
Thursday, 23 April 2020
Wednesday, 22 April 2020
Sunday, 19 April 2020
Path of Coronavirus.
There was an old bat that swallowed a virus
hardly desirous to swallow a virus perhaps it will die
There was a pangolin that swallowed that bat
fancy that it swallowed the bat perhaps it will die
There was a hungry family that swallowed the pangolin
sauteed in oil and garlic and mandarin perhaps they'll die.
There was a virus that swallowed that family
as it leapt from the bat to the pangolin to humanity
It swallowed that family to kill off humanity
to save the pangolin
and save the bat
that swallowed the virus
that wriggles and jiggles and finally kills us
to ensure the planet wont die.
hardly desirous to swallow a virus perhaps it will die
There was a pangolin that swallowed that bat
fancy that it swallowed the bat perhaps it will die
There was a hungry family that swallowed the pangolin
sauteed in oil and garlic and mandarin perhaps they'll die.
There was a virus that swallowed that family
as it leapt from the bat to the pangolin to humanity
It swallowed that family to kill off humanity
to save the pangolin
and save the bat
that swallowed the virus
that wriggles and jiggles and finally kills us
to ensure the planet wont die.
Saturday, 18 April 2020
Fake news.
Monday, 13 April 2020
Imaginary friend.
My imaginary friend has left me, he just vanished in the night.
I called my psychiatrist and told him. He said: "Congratulations you are cured".
I said: "I don't want to be cured,
I'd rather be mad than alone".
I called my psychiatrist and told him. He said: "Congratulations you are cured".
I said: "I don't want to be cured,
I'd rather be mad than alone".
Sunday, 12 April 2020
Nurse.
I wrote this nonsense ten years ago when I was hospitalised with lung disease. It seems appropriate now.
With abject apologies to T.S Elliot.
She came to me in the ICU
I was weak and struggling for breath
hope it seemed was in short supply
and all roads led to death
but she talked to me of white horses
she took me for walks on the beach
she talked of Michelangelo
and dared me to eat a peach
she sang the songs of mermaids
to the sound of the surf on the sand
took my blood by the thimblefull
from a tube on the back of my hand.
I left one day in a mini cab
far preferable to a hearse
but she remained in the ICU
my wonderful NHS nurse.
With abject apologies to T.S Elliot.
She came to me in the ICU
I was weak and struggling for breath
hope it seemed was in short supply
and all roads led to death
but she talked to me of white horses
she took me for walks on the beach
she talked of Michelangelo
and dared me to eat a peach
she sang the songs of mermaids
to the sound of the surf on the sand
took my blood by the thimblefull
from a tube on the back of my hand.
I left one day in a mini cab
far preferable to a hearse
but she remained in the ICU
my wonderful NHS nurse.
Thursday, 9 April 2020
The hoarders prayer.
Our freezer in Kitchen
Hotpoint be your name
your Kingsmill come
you will be filled
as if in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive our greed
as we have special need
And lead us not into Sainsbury's
deliver us from Aldi
Etcetera etcetera
Amazon.
Hotpoint be your name
your Kingsmill come
you will be filled
as if in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive our greed
as we have special need
And lead us not into Sainsbury's
deliver us from Aldi
Etcetera etcetera
Amazon.
Ozzy Osbourne and Coronavirus.
On January 20th, 1982, the singer infamously bit the head off of a live bat on-stage in Des Moines, Iowa during his "Diary of a Madman" tour after a fan threw the animal at Osbourne's feet. He picked the bat up, and, as he wrote in his book "I Am Ozzy," he said "Immediately, though, something felt wrong.
This of course did not cause the virus but did spawn a legion of Chinese tribute bands keen to emulate the master.
We may never know.
Monday, 6 April 2020
Balthazar, coronavirus and the future.
Friday, 3 April 2020
God and coronavirus.
I couldn't sleep last night, too much on my mind, why Sarah will not talk to me anymore,viruses and the like..
I went downstairs in the dark to the kitchen to find some alcohol.
Before I could switch a light on a voice rang out: "Leave us in the dark my son" It said.
"Who are you". I asked, equally in the dark.
"GOD" was the reply.
I said: "Well sit yourself down, have a cup of sake and explain why you are doing this to mankind, after all we are your chosen lot, made in your own image and stuff like that".
"Au conrtaire" said God (did I mention he was a polyglot?) "I am doing this to protect my chosen lot and the planet from you fools."
As he left the house I turned on the light.
I went downstairs in the dark to the kitchen to find some alcohol.
Before I could switch a light on a voice rang out: "Leave us in the dark my son" It said.
"Who are you". I asked, equally in the dark.
"GOD" was the reply.
I said: "Well sit yourself down, have a cup of sake and explain why you are doing this to mankind, after all we are your chosen lot, made in your own image and stuff like that".
"Au conrtaire" said God (did I mention he was a polyglot?) "I am doing this to protect my chosen lot and the planet from you fools."
As he left the house I turned on the light.
Jasmine in crisis.
The streets are empty save
the occasional passer by
we nod in recognition of
something unspeakable but
The jasmine is flowering
The urban foxes, imploring eyed
are starving now
foodwaste a thing of the past
the streets are clean
The jasmine is flowering.
Knife crime at an all time low
and muggers cower in
their self isolated loathing
mugged themselves by the virus
The jasmine is flowering.
Each day I venture outside
remove my mask
lean in, smell the scent
and think of you
The jasmine is flowering.
Wednesday, 1 April 2020
Stockholm Syndrome.
As a result of weeks of self imprisonment I have developed full blown Stockholm Syndrome.
I am undergoing treatments including anti-selfamotory drugs and aversion therapy.
I am undergoing treatments including anti-selfamotory drugs and aversion therapy.
There is also an issue of side affects including self-loathing and low self esteem for which I am receiving two hours of compliments a day.
wish me luck.
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