The Kindle scam.

Amazon are a nasty bunch. They are selling kindles like hot cakes to the masses and the masses are buying them thinking that it is in order to read books on them. But the facility to download literature is not what the Kindle is about. It is far more nasty than that!

When reading the following bear in mind that Kindles are being given, as presents, to very, very young children on the assumption that it will encourage reading:



 Christmas day; little Pete opens his present from granny, whoopee! A Kindle. But what's this? First he must register with amazon which requires an email address. Okay, lets open an email account for the darling little five year old then register with Amazon. Okay done let's now have a look at what Kindle will do....  Oooooh look mummy I can play games on my new present, can I download 'Angry birds'?

Uncle Dave gave little Pete a £25 voucher from Amazon which is credited to his account. Little Pete blows £23.45 on game downloads without the thought of a book. Little Pete is a little too young to read a book let alone realise that he is being conditioned by Amazon!

Uncle Dave looks for books that may be borrowed from the Kindle library (one of the selling points of the thing) but finds he must activate a free trial to the 'Prime' club thing before little Pete can borrow a book. He must provide credit card details among other things in order to take up the free months 'trial' membership. At the end of the month he must remember to terminate the membership otherwise Amazon will be stripping out of the card account nearly £50.00 per annum which is the actual cost of being allowed to borrow 1 book per month. that is not borrowing. That is hiring a book a month at the cost of £4.00 per book. Little Pete and his family are being fleeced.

Meanwhile little Pete, without a single book being downloaded, is playing games like there is no tomorrow and while he is playing games he is being bombarded with pop up ads from Amazon. Ads for all sorts of things useful to Pete such as motorcars and insurance.

This brings us to the central purpose of the Kindle: It is an Amazon shop in your home, marketing amazon products constantly and as they have your card details every purchase is just a click away. It is like living with a pushy salesman 24 hours a day!

By the 1st of January little Pete is doing 8 hours of game playing on his Kindle, Mummy is delighted that he is occupied while she gets pissed on baileys and watches re-runs of sex in the city. She tells Gran: 'It's like having a free nanny'! All the while she is conning herself that little Pete is doing something EDUCATIONAL rather than rapidly acquiring behavioral problems, obesity and long term damage to his hands and wrists.

QUESTION: Why can I not remove  Amazons  'Silk' and 'IMDb' apps from the Kindle thereby making it safe for children?

QUESTION: Why are amazon allowed to push unsuitable products on small children in this way. Why  are they not obliged to market a product designed for kids without the advertising and without the need to register with card details?

Parents, you are paying large sums of money for nothing more than the packaging. The Kindle is the IT equivalent of an empty cornflakes packet which can be filled in future by subscription only.

'SUCKERS' is probably the most frequently used term at Amazon HQ!

IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT AMAZON PAY ALMOST NO TAX ON UK SALES...

Pinky and Perky saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

Courtesey of Lindy Loo McDonnell.

Portobello Christmas card: Christmas reunion

Chris Durkin, myself and Hugo Burnham meeting for the first time since 1967!  I'd found Chris living down the road from me a few years back but Hugo had moved to a place called America.

It was a splendid evening and one to be repeated I hope.

Happy Christmas.

Christmas Harp and organ at Albert hall.

Oliver Twisted: Portobello Panto 2012. Review.

An hilarious event on so many levels. Impossible to review seriously; it defies gravity.

The Portobello panto would seem to the outsider to be a chaotic Christmas family gathering, riddled with in-jokes and avoiding all the strictures of conventional theatre. A great deal of the humour stems from the fact that it somewhat under prepared (an essential part of it all) and the script seems to offer the cast a guide rather than something to stick to.

Naturally local issues are addressed: Jamie Oliver and All Saints are toyed with. Current affairs are addressed in the guise of Nancy, who bears a striking resemblance to a red haired ex newspaper editor marshalling her troupe of eavesdropping urchins.

Oliver is of course a girl (Queenie Ingrams), Ron Moody would have been delighted with the homage paid by Jaycee Pandy  as Fagin, Colin Salmon (ever the trooper and happy to be teased about  Strictly dancing) is a somewhat effete fairy and local scallywag Ray Jones is as usual himself appearing to think he is in another panto completely; dressed as a 'Clockwork Orange' Droog. Piers Thomson reprises his PC Gonemad persona. the rest of the cast and a good number of local kids had great fun! full cast and crew at the bottom of page.

The script is by new boy and co-producer Peter Jack and the direction, not that that direction features on any compass I have seen, is in the hands of Roger Pomphrey. The house band is remarkably tight (considering the preparation they have had) led by the remorselessly laid back Ned Scott.

To sum it up, it was a triumph and like a Triumph it leaked all over the stage.

It leaked joy!

The photographs are from Christopher Scholey.

Thai Rice Portobello road. Instant food poisoning!

For the third time in succession a meal out at Thai rice, Portobello Road has resulted in projectile vomiting, not just me but other people too. The place should be shut down immediately. More on this later when I have the time to clean my palate with a sorbet then photograph the shithole and it's shoddy fare. Thai Rice is to be avoided at all costs.

Since writing that another friend has come away from Thai Rice with a bout of sickness. They obviously are not doing it right at Thai rice.

When I complained to the management of the place that sickness occurred as a result of eating there I was told to produce a doctors letter to prove that it had happened and then told to claim on insurance. A  good restaurant would be horrified to learn that customers had become ill after eating there and would do everything to make things right and improve standards... Not so Thai Rice. They couldn't give a shit... They sell it though! I suspect that they reheat rice from previous meals and even serve left overs to new diners.

If you want Thai food on Portobello Road go to 'Market Thai' Just down the road from Thai rice... Better food, better surroundings and better management.

Christmas cards from Portobello: Pink house, pink christmas trees but needs a bit of pink!

Portobello Panto 2012.

A massage from producer Peter Jack:

Hear ye. Hear ye. Deep down on the Portobello Road, it's that time of year again. Oh no it isn't? OH YES IT IS!

This year, the Company has turned it's attention to local hero Charles Dickens* and the terrible tale of OLIVER TWISTED. We have rounded up the usual suspects and a few unsuspecting newbies to bring to the Tabernacle stage the story of food, juvenile crime and doomed romance.

It's time to get your tickets because they are on sale now and moving briskly. The show runs from Tuesday 18th December till Saturday 22nd December. The fancy dress matinee is on Saturday afternoon. As usual, tickets are available from Rough Trade or online at www.tabernacleW11.com

Thank you for support of The Portobello Panto over the last few years. We are delighted to be able to announce that last year, we raised £5361.10 for www.shepherdsbushfamiliesproject.org in addition to setting up the website. Go and have a look to see how your money is being used.

PANTO REVIEW HERE

Paper Aeroplanes.

Paper Aeroplanes.

Mother breakfasting
lost in Mahler peach marmalade on toast
smile lighting this end of tunnel eyes.
Fathers bitter coffee
grounds for divorce his daily quip
making notes
embyronic verse (his joke)
on the paper tablecloth.

Once upon a time
he wrote on pristine A4
but we would filch fold launch his words
into the surrounding Bermuda triangles
now he writes on paper tablecloths
of the poem and the paper plane
a perfect marriage of art and science
capable of unpowered flight.

And how as a child
copying copperplate Keats nightingale
launch it from Hampstead Heath
watch it rising on its innate thermal...
And how
Thomas Stearns Eliot
would fold his own complicated words
send them skyward
singing
to lodge behind radiators, sofas and atop high wardrobes
that furnished his horizon.
Unreadable from here.

Tabernacle W11. Portobello Panto.

Hey ho!

Afternoon drinks at the Tabernacle with the muse, Mr Pounce, the Concierge and various dogs and children, the excuse for all of this was youngest child learning Brazilian dance fighty thing in the studio upstairs leaving grown ups to drink hot toddies and beer with impunity downstairs!

I got to say hello to a diverse number of people who I wouldn't expect to meet in the same place at the same time.

The Tabernacle has changed. Not dramatically but it has changed. For a start the naff gift shop has gone.

Yay! the naff gift shop has gone and with it has gone the ghetto feeling that previously existed which made I and I very uncomfortable about being white in our 'multicultural arts venue' ting!

The gallery has a very good photograph exhibition on, including a wonderful image of Gil Scott Heron, in the long space beside the bar is an exhibition of painting that actually worth seeing  which creeps up the stairs to the main space and should set a precedent in my eyes.

Chris Scholey is still there generally managing and managing generally well to cope with the demons that infest the Tabernacle.

I bumped into the producer of this years panto who informed me that, for the first time in years, the panto is not looking back and resting on laurels but is going forward, going to be a twist on Oliver (if you will excuse the pun) and going to be new!  Old boring stuff... IT's BEHIND US!

There is some good stuff going on in the tabernacle. I don't think it has got itself  into the whole community the right way yet but is improving and quite frankly in the light of it's past as that place between a rock and a hard place is making the right kind of effort.


We left with the oldest boy asking if we could go back for dinner there some time.

I don't see why not!

Burning poppies.

In various parts of Asia British troops are burning fields of poppies. They have their reasons for doing this and no-one here seems to mind. During this process British troops are being killed by people who amongst other things do not like their poppies and their income being torched. We honour these dead soldiers each November by wearing poppies... A tradition started after the first War when poppies, Flanders was full of them, were considered to symbolise the wasted generation of men sent to their stupid death by a bunch of idiots who did not value their lives and considered them nothing more than targets.

In Kent yesterday an idiot 19 year old was arrested and held in custody for publishing a photograph of a burning poppy.

The wrong kind of poppy!

 How very very stupid has this country become!

Seems Steve Bell agrees!

An open letter to Jonathan/David Dimbleby from Jan Nieupjur. 'Paedophiles within the BBC'.

The media cannot seem to make it's mind up as to which of the Dimbleby's they are talking about. Maybe it is both!


Jan Nieupjur writes:


Jonathan Dimbleby has accused the BBC's critics of showing "disturbing relish" in their attacks on the corporation over the Jimmy Savile abuse scandal, as new allegations were made against another former BBC star.

The Radio 4 presenter said there has been a witch-hunt since allegations emerged that the late TV star abused hundreds of young girls and women, some on BBC premises.

In an interview with the Times, Dimbleby said: "I think it's disgraceful and horribly out of proportion to hound everyone at the BBC in a way that is unwarranted and lacks perspective when the real focus should be on what Savile did wrong.

"Paedophilia is a huge national problem that no one thought about 50 years ago and is now something that concerns everyone, but this has become a witch-hunt against the BBC."

Oh come on Jonathan, this is not just about Savile!  Yes Peadophilia was thought a huge problem about 50 years ago. Quite a lot of the thinking was done by paedophiles having problems finding victims, until the BBC came along with it's cheesy 'pop' programmes aimed at children clamouring for a badge or a medal or their 15 minutes of TV fame and were therefore the perfect prey to the perverted sharks trawling those waters guided and protected by the production pilot fish who obviously did know what was going on!

All along 'Auntie Beeb' was supposedly chaperoning those children. Hmmm, Fagin running an orphanage!

Dimbleby goes on to say:

"Blaming the media and politicians for getting their priorities wrong, Dimbleby said: "Organisations that have come under flak recently such as newspapers and MPs want to get their revenge. They think the BBC is too smug and holier-than-thou. But there is a disturbing relish in the way the critics have laid into the BBC, holding today's office-holders to account for what happened 30 years ago."

You are part of the media, you hang out with politicians and the BBC is smug and holier than thou and as sure as eggs is eggs todays office holders within the corporation most likely knew what went on and turned a blind eye.

One wonders how you, Jonathan would feel about it had one of your children been sexually abused within the hallowed halls of the BBC.

Evil pumpkin.