Mr Nice; the filmed life of Howard Marks (I met him a couple of years ago, he was too stoned to make much sense) starring Rhys Ifans ( I will not under any circumstances spill Cow drinking beans but Rhys did introduce me to the notion of a drinking straw in a carafe of white wine as a beverage option) is released today.... Below is the trailer.
I shall be reviewing it here soon!
Friday, 8 October 2010
Thursday, 7 October 2010
National poetry day poem. Under nurses orders!
To celebrate poetry day and facebook I have produce the first facebook poem.
Send it to a friend.
Andreas Grant It's Putin's birthday!(...and national poetry day)
Royal Academy pavement paintings. Ben Wilson.
Christian Banfield spotted these on the pavement outside the royal Academy this morning. They are tiny; 2" diameter. Can anyone shed light on them?
UPDATE. November 2013: It seems they are the work of Ben Wilson. http://foroneweekonly.com/Artists/Ben-Wilson
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Career changes, bosomly love and The palpable wince.
Jan called round today. He is in trouble for all sorts of reasons not least because of the Luz Morales fiasco.
'I am undergoing a career change'. He stated.
I asked for an explanation. He provided one: ' I am changing the direction in which I am careering uncontrollably Tristan. I have discovered by accident what goes through the mind of a 15 year old boys Matronly aunt as she spits on her hanky prior to wiping from his mouth the detritus of a hastily eaten fish supper in a Surrey road house car park.'
That. I said, does not sound healthy Jan!
'It is the product of bosomly love Tristan! elderly poets on the brink of their expiry dates are subject to many manifests of bosomly love. It is a form of bullying. It brings offers of chicken soup (dumplings or no dumplings) and 4 dimensional hugs But when you get to my age what appears to a schoolboy as a matronly aunt is in fact (in terms of age percentiles) a very hot young babe'.
He went on: 'Bosomly love is causing a massive career change in me Tristan'.
'Bosomly love has me wringing my hands; the hands of a once doubting Thomas when it came to women.... This Thomas is no longer in doubt. this Thomas has seen into Matrons soul'.
when did Luz get her promotion? I asked.
'Yesterday. She became a matron yesterday!'
The wince is palpable.
'I am undergoing a career change'. He stated.
I asked for an explanation. He provided one: ' I am changing the direction in which I am careering uncontrollably Tristan. I have discovered by accident what goes through the mind of a 15 year old boys Matronly aunt as she spits on her hanky prior to wiping from his mouth the detritus of a hastily eaten fish supper in a Surrey road house car park.'
That. I said, does not sound healthy Jan!
'It is the product of bosomly love Tristan! elderly poets on the brink of their expiry dates are subject to many manifests of bosomly love. It is a form of bullying. It brings offers of chicken soup (dumplings or no dumplings) and 4 dimensional hugs But when you get to my age what appears to a schoolboy as a matronly aunt is in fact (in terms of age percentiles) a very hot young babe'.
He went on: 'Bosomly love is causing a massive career change in me Tristan'.
'Bosomly love has me wringing my hands; the hands of a once doubting Thomas when it came to women.... This Thomas is no longer in doubt. this Thomas has seen into Matrons soul'.
when did Luz get her promotion? I asked.
'Yesterday. She became a matron yesterday!'
The wince is palpable.
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
NHS Scandal of hospital panic buttons connected to buzzer in Spanish Bordello .
It was revealed today that the 'panic button' beside the hospital bed of 112 year old Artist and philosopher Jan Nieupjur actually sounded a buzzer in a Spanish Bordello in Marbella.
Nurse Luz Morales (38 DD) declined to answer questions while posing for photographs.
Nurse Luz Morales (38 DD) declined to answer questions while posing for photographs.
Stunning Art Fraud discovered in Paris flat.
A stunning rip off of a newspaper article about a painting was found today in a spurious blog:
Parisian flat containing €2.1 million painting lay untouched for 70 years
For 70 years the Parisian apartment of Jan Nieupjur's favourite squeeze and muse had been left uninhabited, under lock and key, the rent faithfully paid but no hint of what was inside
But when Mona Hebuterne died recently aged 91, experts were tasked with drawing up an inventory of her possessions and homed in on the flat near the Trinité church in Paris between the Pigalle red light district and Opera.Entering the untouched, cobweb-filled flat in Paris' 9th arrondissement, one expert said it was like stumbling into the castle of Sleeping Beauty, where time had stood still since 1900.
"There was a smell of old dust," said Olivier Cripes-souset, who made the discovery. Walking under high wooden ceilings, past an old wood stove and stone sink in the kitchen, he spotted a stuffed ostrich and a Mickey Mouse toy dating from before the war, as well as an exquisite dressing table.
The stunning painting on the apartment wall
But he said his heart missed a beat when he caught sight of a stunning tableau of a woman in a pink muslin evening dress.
The painting was by Nieupjur and the subject a beautiful Frenchwoman who turned out to be the artist's former muse and daughter of Modigliani who had left the flat uninhabited for more than half a century.
The muse was promiscuous as a she goat, an actress with a long list of ardent admirers, whose fervent love letters she kept wrapped neatly in ribbon and were still on the premises. Among the admirers was the 72nd prime minister of France, George Clemenceau, but also Nieupjur.
The expert had a hunch the painting was by Nieupjur, but could find no record of the painting. "No reference book dedicated to Nieupjur mentioned the tableau, which was never exhibited," said Marcus Rijn Goldiing, the art specialist he consulted about the work.
When Mr Cripes-Souset found a visiting card with a scribbled love note from Nieupjur, he knew he had struck gold. "We had the link and I was sure at that moment that it was indeed a very fine Nieupjur".
The starting price for the painting was €300,000 but it rocketed as ten bidders vyed for the historic work. Finally it went under the hammer for €2.1 million, a world record for the artist.
"It was a magic moment. One could see that the buyer loved the painting; he paid the price of passion," said Mr Rijn Goldiing..
Da Vinci invented photography. New evidence emerges.
Proof has recently emerged that Leonardo Da Vinci did indeed invent photography.
Photo: Da Vinci?
The above is a reproduction of a photographic image found in a recently discovered folio of Da Vinci drawings. It has the name 'Gabriel' written on the reverse.
Bella's Emporium and the Sloane Club
I go along to chat and be seen. It is THE place for that!
Today Bella is at:
MANDY BARBER’S AUTUMN BAZAAR 2010 AT THE SLOANE CLUB |
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Perils of facebook role play.
Gretchen Merrywidow (not her real name) whiles away her life on the interweb masquerading as Jane Smith; grey house wife.
Jane Smith has a facebook page where she discusses grey matters with like minded fantasists, sexual predators, lunatics, voyeurs, paedophiles and bank managers. It is making Gretchen quite ill; she is losing sight of the fact that she is a Swiss nymphomaniac living on a diet of alpine meadows, chocolate and priapic leiderhosed goatherds.
Gretchen has learned the hard way that this kind of fantasy is only healthy in fiction; she has killed Jane Grey. She will be herself in future.
facebook allows all the perverts, sad fucks and losers to enter into a dialogue; this should not be allowed. EVER! I never allow a friending to take place without having met the person concerned or having had a personal recommendation from a trusted friend.
On this blog, which started life as Jan Nieupjur's blog (until I wrenched it from him and 'fessed up') I vet all comments and never, never enter into dialogue with comment posters; even people well known to me and trusted.
This is the Cardinal Rule of interwebbery of this ilk.
I shall be writing on this subject again.
Jane Smith has a facebook page where she discusses grey matters with like minded fantasists, sexual predators, lunatics, voyeurs, paedophiles and bank managers. It is making Gretchen quite ill; she is losing sight of the fact that she is a Swiss nymphomaniac living on a diet of alpine meadows, chocolate and priapic leiderhosed goatherds.
Gretchen has learned the hard way that this kind of fantasy is only healthy in fiction; she has killed Jane Grey. She will be herself in future.
facebook allows all the perverts, sad fucks and losers to enter into a dialogue; this should not be allowed. EVER! I never allow a friending to take place without having met the person concerned or having had a personal recommendation from a trusted friend.
On this blog, which started life as Jan Nieupjur's blog (until I wrenched it from him and 'fessed up') I vet all comments and never, never enter into dialogue with comment posters; even people well known to me and trusted.
This is the Cardinal Rule of interwebbery of this ilk.
I shall be writing on this subject again.
Saturday, 2 October 2010
Ta ta Tristesse, Luz Morales and Churchie La Femme.
Jan has talked me into something I know I will regret.
He came for lunch today and his demeanour was not encouraging. 'What's up'. I asked.
'I feel like a child on Christmas day who has just been given a bunny rabbit only to watch his parents eat it for lunch.'
I quickly weaned him away from whatever disaster he was about to relate.
Jan has asked me (hence the luncheon meeting) to participate in a little scheme of his. It will end in tears as usual but how do you refuse a man like Jan Nieupjur!
We are going to open a cabaret/burlesque club thing; it will be called Ta ta Tristesse and happen just once a month at a venue yet to be decided. the venue will be as small as possible, maybe space for 40 people.
Acts will vary but regulars will be Luz Morales (Jan's new Muse) and Churchie La Femme ( a future star if ever I saw one).
Watch this space for more details.
He came for lunch today and his demeanour was not encouraging. 'What's up'. I asked.
'I feel like a child on Christmas day who has just been given a bunny rabbit only to watch his parents eat it for lunch.'
I quickly weaned him away from whatever disaster he was about to relate.
Jan has asked me (hence the luncheon meeting) to participate in a little scheme of his. It will end in tears as usual but how do you refuse a man like Jan Nieupjur!
We are going to open a cabaret/burlesque club thing; it will be called Ta ta Tristesse and happen just once a month at a venue yet to be decided. the venue will be as small as possible, maybe space for 40 people.
Acts will vary but regulars will be Luz Morales (Jan's new Muse) and Churchie La Femme ( a future star if ever I saw one).
Watch this space for more details.
The Cobden Club
Some days ago, having been sent packing by the doorpeople at the Cobden I posted a rather unflattering article about the place: http://jannieupjur.blogspot.com/2010/09/cobden-crap-taurus-trakker-plus-powa-at.html
Yesterday I received an email from the cobden expressing disappointment. I was invited to attend a gig last night. I replied stating that I would gladly attend and 'give it another go' (I removed my earlier piece). Later that day I was asked by an online magazine to review the show at the cobden that night. I was told that I was on the door list and I was given the names of two people who would be happy to talk to me about their event. They had been informed of my existence!
the email from the cobden:
Dear Tristan,
I came across your blog and was a little disappointed by your remarks. Firstly the Cobden is not responsible for taking money at the door that would be the promoter that is running the night. We are a private members club so we usually only let in members of the Club. If a promoter is running a night he is responsible for his guest list and any money that is being paid to attend his night. The night in Question is Café Rocks, run by Micky P.
Secondly the night was a great success and Joseph was all he is hyped up to be.
If you ever do want to come down to one of our live music nights, please do drop me an email and I’ll put you on the guest list.
Tonight we have the launch of You Bloom.. Let me know if you would like to attend.
The middle:
I walked to the Cobden (15 minutes) in the pissing rain only to be refused entry by the same piece of work at the door; an old lady dressed as some kind of cabaret/tart/ringmaster thing. I was told that I was not welcome there.
Fair enough! But why invite me in the first place?
The end:
The only part of the Cobden I can write about is the Door; it is wooden and I used it with relish.
I was right the first time; the Cobden Club is not very good!
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