From our medical correspondent. Nurse Luz Morales.
Rumours have been circulating of a plan by the Tory government to intentionally infect the unemployed in return for double benefits as they self isolate until free of Covid 19 in order that there is a stockpile of people ready to fill the job vacancies created by the virus.
A Whitehall mole informs me that he couldn't possibly comment on this but rather cryptically pointed out that Coronavirus is certain to become the country's biggest job creator since Hitler annexed the Sudetenland.
When I pointed out that there was a distinct certainty that some of these people would die, he informed me:
"That is a downside to the plan but each deceased participant in the scheme will receive a photocopied letter from Boris Churchill informing them that it was their finest hour".
Editors note: This may be satire, please check with your local MP.
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