I found this on the interweb, the perfect Christmas gift for the children of our times.
The jeweller to the stars.
They are waiting in the cafes
the restaurants and bars
or parked on unlit corners
in expensive cars
they are waiting for the snowman, the blow man, the let's go man
they are waiting, waiting, waiting
for the jeweller to the stars.
He is the closest thing to royalty
their business is all his
with his bags of herbert sherbert
(the silly rich mans whizz)
he makes them feel quite special
and just a
they are guaranteed to talk the talk
walk the walk as well
he is the pied piper
the piper at the gates of hell.
White christmas is his ringtone
on his prepay mobile phone
his sole visible means of support
the long suffering wife at home
he is the king of the powder rooms
his shit it smells of roses
to the vacuous trustafarians
silver spoons up their noses.
He is known to each and every one
the jeweller to the stars
he hasn't got a friend on earth
and there ain't no life on mars.