Something is wrong in the world of children's literature.

OK. Here we go… You want to write a contemporary children's best seller, make it as dysfunctional and as negative as you can, avoid adventure (unless it is escaping from abusive parents/carers), make sure it is set in an orphanage, ensure there are plenty of zombies and threats of death, ensure that there is no hope (but indicate that hope might be forthcoming in the sequel) and ensure that there are enough adult themes that children want to pretend that they understand but don't to keep them mystified.

What is wrong with good old fashioned adventure and fantasy?

I'll tell you what.

Modern children's writers do not write for children, they write for publishers who demand formulaic best seller books which only satisfy the accountants.

Modern kids don't want to know about Rob Roy or Ivanhoe or Treasure Island or Swallows and Amazons even because they see them as dated and boring yet the irony is that all of the above mentioned books involved action beyond sitting in front of a computer screen bitching about having nothing to do except bitch about the world they can't really be bothered to take part in.

Schools are equally to blame… They judge children on their ability to read words rather than their ability to understand what they are reading. Schools these days are about awarding points for being seen to do things rather than the actual ability to do them.

I'm re-reading Stig of the Dump, its great.

Cross dressing.

I have no say in the matter
it's all chosen by them
the colour, the fabric
the length of the hem
the style of the collar
the cut of the tights
the straight jacket baby-grows
with ghastly highlights
accessory garments
for the accessory child
are hardly condusive
to the babe meek and mild.

I hear all the time
that I am a blessing
so why do your best
to make me so
FUCKING CROSS DRESSING.

Why hipster incursions into the KPH might not be a bad thing.

I visited the KPH on Ladbroke Grove last evening in order to drop in on a friends birthday party, the party was still in the sit-down at dinner stage when I arrived so I sat downstairs and had a beer.

I've criticised the KPH in the past for its prices and was pleased to note that my beer was 50 pence cheaper this visit. A good start.

The pub was relatively busy and I was surprised to note that a fair number of the punters were exotic types from East London on an 'ironic' visit to the West. This curious phenomenon might be just what this part of London needs.

For years now the combined efforts of RBKC and the hoards of wealthy incomers has succeeded in wiping out the quirky, lively, left-field, multi-cultural life of the area replacing it with expensive, elitist shops and cafes that none of the locals can (or want to) afford. Most of the pubs have gone and those providing live music are few and far between and are being silenced as a result of the demands for quiet being made by the wealthy incomers.

The KPH itself is being threatened with change of use to retail/residential, wiping out yet another local landmark.

There is virtually nothing of a cultural nature in the area for young people; very little live music, no boozer that doesn't have pretentious of gastropubbery, no cool hangouts apart from MauMau on Portobello Road. Perhaps if the hipsters of Shoreditch continue to make visits then places for them to visit might spring up and in doing so create places for the indigenous youth to frequent.

A good start would be for the KPH to be saved from the developers.

http://thekph.com

David Cameron hoax calls.

I am told that David Cameron has been making hoax calls to various world leaders claiming to be in charge of the UK.
















The USA and Russia have both flagged the Downing Street number used and state that they will not fall prey to such hoaxes in future.

A spokesperson for Cameron stated that she was too busy playing Candycrush to know what was going on but did say that Cameron was unable to wipe his own arse let alone use a telephone. So the hoax may be a hoax.

At the same time Miss Pretty kukucachoo of Burkino Faso wishes to announce her engagement to David Cameron of London town assuring us it is not a hoax, she will love him long time and guarantee a happy ending.