Sunday 5 September 2010

Mike Edwards Killed by a hay bale. Eldorado of sorts.

As a young man I enjoyed the eccentricity of early ELO and am saddened by this news. I am also saddened by the fact that he had to be identified using youtube and photos... No one there.

Mike Edwards, 62, was a founding member of ELO and played cello with the group from their first live gig in 1972 until he departed in January 1975.
He quit to become a Buddhist and later changed his name to Deva Pramada because of his religious convictions.
Mr Edwards died instantly when he was hit by the bale which weighed nearly 700lbs.
He was driving along a road when the bale careered down a slope in a field and flipped over a hedge - smashing down onto his roof.
The circular bale is believed to have been in a steeply-sloping field beside the road when it somehow rolled and jumped 12ft to 15ft into traffic.
Police said the accident happened at around 12.30pm on Friday on the A381 between Harbetonford and Halwell in Devon.
Steve Walker of the Devon and Cornwall police traffic unit said they were trying to contact his family.
He said: ''This was a tragic accident and we have now identified the victim as Michael Edwards, a founder member of ELO.
''We have used photographs and YouTube footage to identify him but we now need help contacting his family for formal identification.
''We don't believe he was ever married and we have identified an ex girlfriend but she is currently aboard.
''We think he may have a brother called David in the Yorkshire area and we obviously need to contact him.
''Michael has no immediate family but we believe he may have taught some cello in Devon and would ask his students to contact us if they know of any relations.''
Mr Edwards had been living in Totnes, Devon. After he left ELO, he was replaced as cellist by Melvyn Gale.


Dogs do not paint their arseholes red.

I was called an old man tonight. That's fine if it comes from a youngster.


But.


I was called an old man by a middle aged woman with bleached hair and a nasty pinched mouth; you know, the kind of mouth that looks like a dogs arsehole, but less attractive. 


There is a reason why dogs do not paint their arseholes red.







Saturday 4 September 2010

Tony Blair. Arrested for War crimes?

I'll keep this short and to the point.


Why has Tony Blair not been arrested and charged with war crimes?


He is the living embodiment of everything that is rotten in our society today.



Friday 3 September 2010

Meanwhile Gardens by Charles Caselton.



One sometimes finds strange things in familiar places, or familiar things in strange places; Charles Caseltons Meanwhile Gardens manages to do both.


In reality Meanwhile Gardens is a plot of land in the shadow of the Trellik tower, adjacent to the Regents Canal. The goldborne road helpfully points to it. It is the kind of place (the name helps too) to sit, watch and wait for stuff to happen; Frequently in life stuff tends to happen elsewhere. Meanwhile in Caseltons novel  is all go.


Marion, the central character, escaping a life she would rather do without and hoping to find some answers, arrives in the neighbourhood; more specifically the cemetry further down the canal. So begins a rough and tumble adventure in North Kensington, an adventure that is larded with wonderful characters in an almost fairy tale world. Surrounded by a 'rag tag' family of strangers she sets about a quest of sorts. Naturally there are highs and lows, there are some great villains too. Tragedy strikes and she must somehow pull through. Of course we must not lose faith.


Caseltons West 11 is not quite as it should be there is the air of a circus to it. There is a lightness of touch to the writing and I get the sense that here is a storyteller who knows his subject (and his manor) well.


Meanwhile Gardens was originally published in blog form. Nothing wrong with that; if Dickens were alive today he would be doing the same, he'd probably nick a few of caseltons characters to boot. There is however a greater sense of pleasure to be gained from holding and digesting a slab of book! 


I'm off to Meanwhile Gardens to wait for stuff to happen...


And before you accuse me of plugging a friends book, I bought my copy, happy I did, which allows me to speak my mind.  It is available in all good book shops.

Legal coke in Notting Hill? Balaclava's for Afghanistan.

Jan Nieupjur writes:


Yesterday as I was openly enjoying my drug of choice; alcohol it occurred to me how silly things have become: Alcohol; Freely available 24 hours a day 7 days a week, endorsed (and used) by the government, cause of more deaths and crimes than all other drugs put together, taxed to the hilt to provide revenue for, among other things, the police, in order that they can spend the majority of their time dealing with alcohol related crime and anti-social behaviour.


When they are not doing that they are obliged to persecute poor underprivileged young people for possession of the drugs of their choice; drugs they use to escape the miserable elitist society we live in. 


Carnival time is a good example of what goes on.


The police state that a 'number' of arrests were made over the weekend, some of them drug related. You can bet that they were picking on the easy targets; the poor black kids with their bits and pieces rather than the thousands of well heeled, predominantly white, coke heads and pill poppers with their pockets full of Colombia's finest!


The bars and parties of Notting Hill were awash with coke, they always are, yet the police do nothing because doing something would be tantamount to opening a massive can of worms.


Because...


The so called drug fiends are in fact middle class society today... Every one is doing it; newspaper editors, the BBC, ITV (what the hey, all TV), the Law, MP's, everyone. 


If they raided one of the smarter places and turned all pockets and bags out there would be enough coke to supply Lithuania's dentists for a year.


But hey, that is not what the police force is for is it! The police are here to protect us from the nasty social no-hopers in their sink estates.


Solution: Legalise drugs. Tax the fuck out of the rich users and spend the revenue on improving the lot of the underprivileged... They wouldn't need drugs then!


We could all sleep safely and happily then. Except of course the coke heads gurning and yabbering the night away. 


Hey, they could knit balaclava's for our boys and girls in Afghanistan while they are at it.

Thursday 2 September 2010

Cheating, gamesmanship, on line Scrabble and the 'Cheat detector'.

I'm a bit busy right now with the forthcoming event. Jan has offered to fill in for me on the blogging front for the next couple of days.  I would like to make it quite clear that his views are not necessarily my views... I take no responsibility for what he writes; he is an old man with an old mans temperament.  Here goes:


I have, in my dotage, taken to playing on-line scrabble (the on-line scrabble arena these days is where the blue rinse brigade try to hook up with widowed accountants and Filipina's look for potential husbands).


I pose as a retired bank manager and have posted a photograph of my least favourite nephew! I find it hard to get through an evening without at least one invitation to 'tea in Eastbourne' or a tryst in the local Holiday Inn. 


One thing I have noticed is that a lot of these demon scrabble players cheat! And if they don't cheat they use gamesmanship tactics that would make Terry Thomas blush. My method of dealing with this is to send them a message of admonishment then immediately withdraw from the game; leaving them with a somewhat hollow 'victory'.
                                                                       Wilson Hsu


You see they are all 'stats' whores; they care more for the records of 'games won' than the actual game... In fact they would much rather not finish a game; finishing a game is incredibly time consuming and invariably ends in defeat.


The 'non English speaking' competitors are obliged to resort to computer programmes to play the game resulting in an extraordinary spurious vocabulary a lot of which is gleaned (by the computer) from scientific dictionaries.  These poor souls do not realise that they have become just another part of the computer software... they are not playing the game, they are purely 'interfacing' between myself and their computer. They receive a stiff message from me which requires no computer programme to understand.


I have a feeling that they will not 'Love me long time' after reading my missives.


I did however 'chat' with a wonderful woman who now lives in a dug out home (literally dug into the ground) in australia. I wish there were more like her!


I am resolved to invent a cheat detector... I sense a fortune coming my way!

Wednesday 1 September 2010

Corrine Day. RIP. Another sad, untimely death.

 
Corinne Day, whose frank, unadorned photos of a teenage Kate Mossin the early 1990s helped inaugurate a new era of gritty realism in fashion photography that came to be called “grunge,” died Friday at her home in Denham, a village in Buckinghamshire, England. She was 45.
Dafydd Jones/WireImage
Kate Moss, left, and Corinne Day at the National Portrait Gallery in London in 2007.
The cause was a cancerous brain tumor, Susan Babchick, her agent, said.
Ms. Day’s passion to record the most profound human experiences with a camera was never more evident than the day in 1996 when the tumor was discovered after she had collapsed in New York. She promptly asked her husband to shoot pictures of her, and they continued the project through her treatment and decline.
“Photography is getting as close as you can to real life,” she said, “showing us things we don’t normally see. These are people’s most intimate moments, and sometimes intimacy is sad.”
Ms. Day built her reputation on unrelenting visual honesty. She refused to airbrush the bags from under models’ eyes or de-emphasize their knobby knees. She eschewed pretty locations or even studios in favor of shooting people in their own environments.
It added up to a startling detour from the glossy world of supermodels — “subversion,” in Ms. Day’s own phrase.
There were two defining moments along the way, both involving Ms. Moss. The first was in 1990, when some of the first published fashion photographs of Ms. Moss, taken by Ms. Day, appeared in the British magazine The Face. One showed Ms. Moss topless; another suggested she was naked. She wore a mix of designer and secondhand clothes and no makeup over her freckles, and her expression was sincere. The photos seemed to usher in a new age of anti-fashion style. Artlessness became art. Some called it “grunge.”
The second moment, in 1993, was a shoot for British Vogue that featured a pale and skinny Ms. Moss in mismatched underwear. A public outcry ensued, as some claimed that Ms. Moss’s waifish figure seemed to imply she was suffering from an eating disorder or drug addiction.
On her agent’s advice, Ms. Moss stopped working with Ms. Day, with whom she had become close friends. Ms. Day said she was tired of taking fashion pictures, anyway.
“I think fashion magazines are horrible,” she said in an interview with the British newspaper The Observer in 1995. “They’re stale and they say the same thing year in and year out.”
The grunge aesthetic took hold for several years in designer imagery of the 1990s, most visibly in Calvin Klein’s influential fragrance and jeans campaigns, and also in street fashion, with the throwaway style of flannel shirts and distressed jeans, as popularized byKurt Cobain and the burgeoning Seattle music scene.
Ms. Day eventually took fashion photos again, including ones of Ms. Moss that are in the permanent collection of the National Portrait Gallery in London. But her aspiration was to document the lives of the people she knew best, and her “Diary,” published in 2000, told visual stories, including those of a single mother struggling to survive.
Corinne Day was born in 1965 in Ickenham, a town in west London. She said that her mother had run a brothel and that her father had robbed banks. They divorced when she was 5, and her grandmother raised her. As a girl, she said, she liked to spend hours in the photo booth at Woolworth’s with her friends.
Ms. Day left school at 16, worked briefly as a trainee in a bank, then flew around the world as an airline courier. A photographer she met on a plane suggested that she take up modeling, and she did, for Guess Jeans.
In Japan she met a filmmaker, Mark Szaszy, who taught her to use a camera — they would later marry — and she began taking pictures of the drab private lives of her fellow models, who seemed so glamorous in public.
“There was a lot of sadness,” she said in an interview with The Guardian in 2000. “We couldn’t buy the clothes we were photographed in, couldn’t go out and do the things we would have liked to do as teenagers.”
She took her work to the art director at The Face, who asked her to shoot some fashion pictures. She prowled the modeling agencies with a Polaroid and found Ms. Moss, whom she likened to “the girl next door.” They lived, worked and prospered together for three years.
“Corinne’s pictures, you might say, made Kate, and Kate made Corinne’s reputation,” The Evening Standard said in 2007.
Ms. Day is survived by her husband as well as her parents and two brothers.
Even at the height of her celebrity, in 1993, Ms. Day told The Guardian that her personal sartorial goal was to look “unstyled.”
“I don’t take fashion too seriously,” she said.

Tuesday 31 August 2010

Pinball.

A few years ago I was asked to restore an old pinball machine for a friend... It was part of her degree show at St Martins college of Art.





The playing field graphics are by Natasha Griss.


Carnival 2010. No acid attacks then.


From the BBC:

Notting Hill Carnival has drawn to a close - with revellers enjoying a late spell of sunshine on Monday evening.
The clouds and rain that marred Sunday's event were banished, to the delight of crowds.
Police made a total of 230 arrests for a variety of offences over the two days of the carnival, and British Transport Police arrested another 34.
The incidents included two stabbings, but police said overall the festival went "smoothly and to plan".
Two pit bull-type dogs and one Staffordshire-type animal were seized by officers.


Ch Insp Jo Edwards said the event was "marred by a small element".
She said: "Most carnival-goers had a fantastic time, with the large part of the Bank Holiday weekend passing without serious incident.
"For the fourth year there were no firearms incidents and reported crime fell by more than 31% compared to the same stage last year.
"However, as we have seen in previous years, last night saw some people determined to try and ruin it for others who simply wanted to enjoy a day out."
Notting Hill Carnival: Your pictures

Monday 30 August 2010

A few drums

The view from my roof on Carnival Monday!


A few drums

Rumours of Trouble on Carnival Monday.

The police have been quick to deny the rumours (circulating on twitter) of trouble at the carnival today.
Rumours of acid attacks and a shooting began to circulate on Twitter but were later said by police to be unfounded. A Metropolitan Police spokeperson tweeted: "There have been no reports to police about any acid being thrown or firearms incidents at Notting Hill Carnival."
Hundreds of thousands of revellers have thronged the streets of West London for the first day of carnival today. Over a million people are expected to attend the two-day event, which is second only to Rio Carnival in visitor numbers.
Director of London Notting Hill Carnival Ltd Chris Boothman said: "This weekend is thehighlight of the year for not only the Caribbean community, but also for the many visitors from London and the rest of the country."
According to the Metropolitan Police, a total of nineteen people had been arrested at the carnival as at 4pm today, with most arrests made on drug-related charges.
Although incidents of crime have hit the headlines at Notting Hill over recent years,organisers and police are keen to stress that the event is safe.
Chief Superintendent Mick Johnson of the Territorial Support Group told the BBC: "It's important to remember that crime rates do remain relatively low at carnival, given the thousands of people who attend."
Scaremongers and killjoys posting rumours on Twitter - we reckon they're just jealous. If you're off to carnival tomorrow, have an amazing time!

This was first posted in 'Most wanted': http://www.vouchercodes.co.uk/most-wanted/police-deny-rumours-of-trouble-at-notting-hill-carnival-london-3772.html

Sunday 29 August 2010

Today; Carnival Sunday!

 
9.00 am. The view from the roof.

                                                                  Gaz's Rockin Blues




Apart from the rain showers (fortunately I was safely tucked away in the Tabernacle) Carnival day one went well!


9.00 pm: I have just attended the worst party  imaginable; full of youngsters (fair enough, but why invite sentient beings too in that case) and fairly sad middle aged folk who should have known better... I sat down next to an overweight, over made up, over indulged middle aged woman who informed me she was 'too tired' to talk. she was, however, not too tired to ask where the quavers were.


I was handed a beer of the variety that through it's sheer cheapness, leeches out any sense of enjoyment and, through it's weakness, and through some strange osmosis or capillary action, sucks out any alcohol already in the body... the fat plain woman, I was told, had a rich husband and for that reason must be respected; bollocks, the husband deserves a great deal of respect for putting up with her in the sober light of day 24-7, what the fuck he was thinking about when he married and impregnated her boggles the mind. She was truly appalling..


I left.


Now, outside my window, thousands of drunks are exploring that place that exists the wrong side of 'time to go home'.



Carnival!!!


rumours have been circulating since this afternoon of impending acid attacks and shootings tomorrow. Let us hope they are groundless.



Saturday 28 August 2010

Notting Hill Carnival 'After parties'. The Source Magazine.

Are you coming to Carnival? Do you need to know where the best parties are after the carnival has melted into the barrio's and bars of W11, W2 and W10 each evening?


Check out 'the Source' at:http://www.thesourcemag.net/

It is also THE Source of all local action throughout the year.

All Saints Road, last years whistle and the economy.

All Saints Road last night was great fun! The photograph is rubbish but I'm not a photographer. 




I called in at the Cow at the end of the evening and an interesting point was raised; Carnival spirit is most certainly linked to the economy; the tougher the times, the more determined to party! This year should be a good one.


My first party invitation is for 11.30 am tomorrow. If one had the inclination (and stamina) one could party solidly for 48 hours.


I have dug out last years whistle.
Peep peep!

Friday 27 August 2010

Notting Hill Carnival: D day minus 2. Panorama.

After days of miserable weather it looks as if it might cheer up for the occasion.


This evening sees the Mangrove steel band playing in All Saints Road. W11. Tomorrow the band will compete in the 32nd Notting Hill Panorama in Kensal Road (off Ladbroke Grove) W10. Where the 'champion' band will be decided from the best bands in Britain.  It starts at 5.00 in the afternoon. check it out It's free.


'Ebony' another local band are the guys to beat having won the thing 18 times...

More than one way to skin a cat.

A Scandinavian start to the day; coffee and Danish with Kiki the Swedish vet.


Kiki the Swedish vet

She showed me a circular she had just received from the RSPCA. It read as follows:


The RSPCA is deeply concerned by the alarming number of cats that are self harming by jumping into bins. After extensive investigation it is found that peer pressure along with facebook taunts seems to be the main cause in the sudden rise.


This phenomenon is not dissimilar to the spate, some years ago, of cats attempting to self harm by jumping from trees. On that occasion the attempts stopped when the cats realised that they always landed on their feet and the exercise was therefore pointless.


All cats should be kept under close observation until further notice.
                                               *********************************


In a paper today I read that a Birmingham builder has been arrested and charged as a result of having been overheard claiming that there was 'more than one way to skin a cat'. "This is serious". A spokesperson said.


In America the Catskills mountains are to be named the Catspetteds Mountains.


etc etc etc

Wednesday 25 August 2010

The Cameron's new baby... No Labour!

I am reliably informed that the baby was delivered by Caesarian section  in order to avoid any mention of Samantha going into Labour... You heard it here first!

The cat in the wheelie bin. Time for concern, not just death threats.

Am I the only person concerned as to why the owner of the cat and wheelie bin should have his own cctv camera operating.
What is he hiding or protecting?


The authorities should be in that house like a shot looking for one or more of the following:


A niece hidden in a bed.
A crack/cannabis factory in the cellar or buried in the back yard.
Sex slaves in the attic.
An illegal chicken pot noodle factory and furriers workshop.
A wardrobe full of strange uniforms.
The lack of a TV licence.
Incorrect recycling procedures.
A cache of illegal videos of the public going about their business.
Unsent letters to Jeremy Beadle.


I think we should be told.


For overseas readers who may be nonplussed by this. Here is the back story:


http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/67612,life,video,video-woman-dumps-cat-in-wheelie-bin-cctv-identified-police-protection-death-threats

In the light of the anonymous comment posted on this blog I will add:


This is Satire, pretty weak satire at that. A joke. A poke at a nation more concerned with the well being of a cat than the plight of thousands of human victims a day of man's monstrosity towards fellow man.


The story is being pumped up by the media - it is silly season - It is as big a non story as is possible. A waste of space and time.


On a serious note, the private use of cctv by members of the public to monitor other members of the public is a dangerous thing; what's next? Vigilante groups?  Photographers are frequently told by the police that they may not take photographs in the street. Cameras have been confiscated. It is criminal to photograph children. It is probably illegal to photograph and publish images of others without permission.  


Please let me know. Is it legal to film the general public without their knowledge or permission.


One last thing. Cats fucking hate that repetitive tinned or foil wrapped shite that their owners force on them day after day... they are scavengers and hunters, they like nothing better than hunting down (especially in bins) and slaughtering innocent birds and mammals. What about those victims.


For petes sake lets draw a line in the litter tray.

Something as simple as a roof.

An extraordinary sunrise this morning, and of course the batteries are dead in my camera.
The Morning Glory blooms open with the dawn; they will be dying by noon... But what aptly named things.
The tomatoes are heavy on the vine (green still through lack of sun) and the pink shamrocks are opening.
All of the above have self seeded in the pots on my roof ( along with a bonsai elder tree, nasturtium, solitary potato plant and a fire-weed (Rosebay Willowherb)); welcome immigrants all!
The Algerian mint (it's scent screams) came from Melanie as did the few remaining strawberry plants that survived.
The last remaining Bamboo is beginning to show signs of recovery...


Up on the roof.

Self Galvanising and urban foxes.

From time to time I find that, by working through into the early hours of the morning for a number of nights, my body clock gets somewhat messed up and drastic action is called for.


The instant remedy is of course a bottle of scotch which will induce instant sleep prior to a stinking hangover the following day. The safer bet is the 'up all night' followed by a day of semi stupor.


Tonight is an all nighter; I've just taken a 4.00 am walk to the nearest 24 hour shop for tobacco supplies - I'm trying to give up smoking but tonight ain't the night for abstinence - as usual I buy chocolate.  One of the great joys of London life is the 24 hour shop. Thank heaven for the Asian community who are willing to provide this service. One is obliged to run the gauntlet of addicts and the homeless who frequent the environs of these nocturnal establishments but this is ameliorated by the urban foxes out on the scavenge, always a welcome sight.
I am also always surprised at the number of people out and about at this time of the morning (today I met a woman sporting a splendid beehive hairdo, lugging a bright blue wheelie bag), we eye each other up cautiously; each thinking the other might be the psychopath!   I've been mugged twice in 25 years in London. Not bad statistics really.


Now I am at my desk with a cup of tea and a slab of chocolate cake; 4.00 am is the most depressing time of the night according to the experts and chocolate cake is an anti-depressant according to me (has anyone tried putting nettles in chocolate cake - just a thought); therefore essential.  Outside there is a dribble of traffic on the Westway - the vehicle lights cross my line of sight at eye level... The trains below have yet to start their day  and the buses (which I hear but do not see) are limited to the night service. All of these elements contribute to my natural environment now... I would miss them should I leave.


A short while ago the bulb in my lamp blew, it is an old 1950's anglepoise that I rescued from a skip at St Martins school of Art. In trying to replace the bulb and get the thing lit I managed to send 240 volts of current through my body (now I know why they threw it out).


Boy! That gets you perked up; the electricity avoided my brain (I think) and headed due south, my heart definitely got a jolt and my extremities tingle. I also now have a metallic taste in my mouth.


Self galvanising into action, Auto Voltaism even! Good old Luigi Galvani, where would we be without him. Is it Zinc I can taste?
Luigi Galvani

It didn't seem to work on poor old Earnest Hemingway ; maybe they overdid it.

May 2012 Update: I gather Brian May the guitarist is about to do a television programme on urban foxes. About time too Brian!



Saturday 21 August 2010

Poetry is the new Rock n Roll: Part 3.

True story this:

I was in the Nashville (a music pub in West London. Now deceased) in the late 70's to see a couple of punk bands. I got talking to the female guitarist from one of the bands at the bar. She talked about music, I talked about poetry. I asked for her phone number.

She told me to fuck off!

Thirty something years later I was in the Inn on the Green (a music venue in West London) to see a couple of bands. I got talking to the female guitarist from one of the bands at the bar. We talked about her music and my poetry and stuff like that. She asked me for my phone number.

I took hers.

I didn't tell her to fuck off, even though it would have rounded off the story. I'm a poet not a punk!

I wish I had told her about our previous meeting.

Friday 20 August 2010

never return to lighted fireworks.

The 'Angry man' picture (blog passim) seems to have stirred up some hot ashes.... Maybe the creature (scaling the gunwales) in the picture is, rather than the octopus of truth (it's tentacles able to explore even the tiniest chink in the woodwork), a squib. And not such a damp one as that!

Society in decay. No. 1: Classical music.

I met a 'classical' musician yesterday; nice enough guy, a bit overweight. At first I thought it was too much rich food but no; he was just full of himself!

We were talking about promoting events, funding and the like. He agreed that there was no money to be made from poetry or spoken word, nor was there any likelihood of corporate sponsorship as it was just not 'sexy' enough.

He then went on to suggest that I got a gimmick... Perhaps I should dress in a nappy in order to generate some kind of attention and therefore become commercial. Later I mentioned the steel band practice going on elsewhere to which he replied: 'Oh, that is of no interest to me...It is not high Art!

Which allows me to suppose that he thinks that what he does IS 'high art'. Bollocks; A load of over-sponsored middle class idiots scraping things with horse hair bows in front of a bunch of overpaid, overweight corporate free-loaders necking Roederer Crystal while groping their secretaries/mistresses whilst listening to Garry Glitter on their ipods to drown out the caterwauling is not high art.

Now don't get me wrong, I like a bit of fiddle music (especially at Balkan weddings and Irish lock ins) and the Classical 'composers' borrowed some very pleasant peasant tunes back in the old days or just plain stole them from costermongers and fishwives But music is music. Just because something costs the tax payer loads of money does not make it high art nor does it make it any more important... Let's not get our own self importance confused with the things that amuse us.

A noise is a noise is a noise is a noise.

I asked the fiddle player what he did for a day job. He told me he played on the backing tracks for something called the X factor.... HA! The air was suddenly filled with the sound of a hundred barrels being scraped (albeit with virgin Pomeranian stallion hair bows)... He also went on to cite LLoyd Webber as an exponent of Classical Music.

High Art my arse.

What is called 'Classical Music' is in fact the noise made to drown out the sounds of a society in decay; lying around on metaphorical chaise-longues eating third world grapes and buggering small boys.

Give me a steel band any day and save me from being surrounded by the braying whordes of social and cultural mountaineers.

Whordes by the way is intentional... the people who would sell their children's souls for the price of a ticket to see the LSO perform the Telly Tubbies theme.


Thursday 19 August 2010

Wednesday 18 August 2010

Notting Hill Carnival looms.



It will not be the best of times. Lets hope it is not the worst of times.

The barricades are already going up outside.

like a lot of locals part of me wishes for a far, far better place to go to do far, far better things. But I like a lot of my neighbours do not have second homes in Tuscany or France as refuge.

Without wanting to sound like a killjoy Carnival is a real pain for some people who find themselves under house arrest for two days, unable to do anything other than suffer the aural abuse of every sound system on the planet churning out decibels. The steel bands do play a part but can be better appreciated at one of the pre carnival events; Mangrove in All Saints Road is not to be missed on the preceding Friday.

It is impossible to leave home without passport and I.D with an address and when you finally get to a shop all they want to sell you is beer at three times normal price... On your way home you must put up with half a million drunks attempting to piss in your garden or trying to steal your wallet, purse or life.

Yes, the barricades are going up... Not just the physical ones.



Tuesday 17 August 2010

Not a good day really.

The only good thing to happen in the last couple of days has been a letter from a Nigerian princess offering her undying affection in return for helping her extract millions of dollars from Burkino Faso... I know it is a scam because she cannot spell proper... And we all know Nigerian Princesses go to English schools to learn proper English spelling so that their begging letters will be taken seriously!

On top of that it was Sebastian Horsleys inquest today; Sebastian's is the most 'hit' page in this blog! He was an original whatever you think!

I missed a gig tonight because of transport problems... London is too big for its antiquated transit solutions... Sorry Andreas.

Other than that life stinks...

Of roses.

And as Gertrude Stein tells us: A rose is a rose is a rose...

Shakespeare wrote: Should I compare thee to a summers day... You are cold dull and grey!

Hemingway: Cut out the adjectives, cut out the bullshit, get drunk and have a fight followed by a post fight bonding drink. Ah to be a man.




Saturday 14 August 2010

Nettles and depression.


London is wet cold and grey. Where has the summer gone? I feel lethargic and uncreative, but what to do?

Then I read the following:

Serotonin occurs in nettle, and is found to be of great benefit to many people who suffer from depression. Serotonin has a major role as a neuro-transmitter in the central nervous system. Research in Europe, on the antiinflammatory potential of nettle, showed that the herb has a very strong action to de-activate cytokines that perpetuate the inflammatory destruction of cartilage and bone. Therefore, nettle can help to inhibit joint and bone destruction, and slow the progression of the disease.

The answer was, I thought, obvious... I walked down to Hyde park this afternoon and having found the largest patch of stinging nettles, proceeded to remove most of my clothing and roll around in the things much to the amusement of passing joggers and nannies.

I am now even more depressed as a result of an excruciating rash.

It has not helped my arthritis either.

Thursday 12 August 2010

Pot noodle and love.

My insufferable employer Jan Nieupjur suddenly stopped mid way through dictation; his eyes glazed over and a wistful smile attempted to light up his miserable old face.

He rose to his feet declaring that we should try something called a 'pot noodle'.

Now I have of course heard of the aforementioned foodstuff but have made a point of avoiding it. I asked Jan to explain and a pretty sad story emerged:

'I have fallen in love Tristan. I have fallen in love with a 21 year old Peruvian girl who seems to live entirely on pot noodle and cider, I feel I must acquire an appetite for such things in order for the relationship to proceed!'

I told him not to be so ridiculous; he is over 100 years old, what on earth could a 21 year old see in him apart from a rapidly approaching funeral. I asked him how often he saw this girl. He replied that he had met her twice, briefly! But, he said, every time I see her my legs turn to jelly!

Jan, your legs are jelly!


Sandie Shaw - Long Live Love [totp]

Wednesday 11 August 2010

Why I love where I live.

This evening:

At the Tabernacle for a few beers talking to first generation Trinidadian immigrants who arrived during the 50's and 60's... We could all learn a great deal about national pride (not nationalism) from these people as well as completely new stuff. I am not being patronising; I learnt more about where I live in the space of two hours than I can shake a stick at.... More another day.

Then I watched a steel band rehearse for a while. Bliss.

I called in at the Cow on my way home... Luti the bar manager got his citizenship stuff confirmed this week, good news. If you ever bitch about immigrants and their negative input you should come down to the Cow and watch the best, hardest working, fastest barman on the planet (he even smiles now and looks ten years younger). To my mind fast barmen are second only to fast women! Fast barmen never let you down though.

Then I got home to find that I had done the washing up earlier.

And there was beer in the fridge...

Who could not love where I live?

Answers on an e-postcard please.