Exile, bananas and crysalides.

I left these bananas on my dining table 9 weeks ago before going into exile. Last night, on paying a hasty visit, I discovered that the bananas had flown leaving the desiccated husks of their crysalides behind.

Coronavirus musing. Intentional infection?

This may sound bizarre but I am absolutely serious. Due to my situation (high risk, shielded, total isolation blah blah) I could, like many others, be forced to self isolate for at least a year.

It occurs to me that it may become an option to intentionally catch the virus during any lull in Hospital occupancy and hope to survive it (40% chance I'm told) and achieve immunity.

Seems rather extreme but at the moment due to the lowered pollution and a rather better lifestyle/diet I'm feeling fitter than I have done for years and I'd rather catch the virus when in this condition than next winter during the flu season.

Just thinking aloud.

Shielded self isolation: A cell on death row.

To use Government speak, The 12 week self isolation period for those of us in the high risk category is quite frankly not fit for purpose.

In three weeks time my 12 weeks isolation ends. What then? Due to the floundering and dithering of the Government during the period of my lockdown nothing will have changed and I suspect that I will be advised  to self isolate for another 12 weeks and again and again ad infinitum. My feeling is that 12 months is a more realistic timescale and even then only a vaccine will make a return to any semblance of normality possible.

As far as I am concerned I can cope with this, at present I am in a friends wonderful house while she is stuck overseas, I can sit on the roof among the plants, I have kind neighbours and friends. When I go back to my own home in June things will be harder but I do have a balcony for getting some outdoors of a kind. More importantly I was an antisocial bugger before this all started and enjoy my own company. I also have sufficient IT to video chat with family and friends around the world.

I feel for those who are older and more unwell than myself or less used to isolation. To them this situation must be starting to feel like a cell on death row. Imagine the horror of contemplating a future that only comprises of isolation followed by death.



This is not acceptable.

Coronavirus what have you done.

For Victoria.

Coronavirus what do you want
what have you brought
what damage have you done
what havoc have you wrought

A daughter close
grandchildren too
impossible a year ago
now impossible to undo

Clean air and clearer lungs
traffic stopped in its tracks
mornings filled with birdsong and
jasmine jasmine jasmine

mankind re-humanised
neighbours sharing names
and bread and good wishes
some rekindling old flames

Coronavirus what do you want
what have you wrought
what good you have done
what heaven you have brought...

Auto-dentistry during lockdown.

Not for the squeamish.



I'm one of the many who are designated 'Shielded' and under strict self isolation. One side affect of the medication I need for my underlying condition is that I have a greatly reduced immune system and over the past few weeks my teeth have been under attack and have become the source of great pain.

It was necessary to remove two rather mobile front teeth. Of course I cannot visit a dentist. The process went as follows*:

1.  Eat 3 paracetamol washed down with copious quantity of Vodka.

2. Wash hands for length of time it takes to sing 'All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth'.

3. Wrench tooth from jaw ditherlessly.

4. Sigh with relief.

5. Drink Vodka to celebrate.

6. Receive call from kind dentist who took the time on a Sunday afternoon who advises that I have done exactly the right thing under the circumstances.

7. Start course of Amoxicillin.

8. Eat two Diazapam and 2 paracetamol washed down with Vodka.

9. Sleep like a filmstar.

* I AM IN NO WAY ENCOURAGING ANYONE TO SELF MEDICATE IN THIS WAY. I took advice before proceeding.

STAY INERT.

Politicians are lying, stay alert
Advice not worth buying, stay alert
Too many of us dying, stay alert
The NHS is crying, stay alert
Conspiracies are flying,
as are planes
accusations
drones and
speculations.

To save more of us from dying,

Stay INERT.

Psychic portrait that got it right.

Photo courtesy of Chalkie Davies.
 Little Boris in Pink With a Goblet Filled With Coronavirus by Joshua Johnson 1805.



Johnson was the first and only member of the American School of Psychic Portraitists. Founded by himself in 1803.

This portrait shows his great great great Grandson Boris in 2020.

Coronavirus questions answered: What is a 'Lert'?

Alert Lert.


A Lert is a small, stupid, non swimming mammal imagined by Boris Johnson to have no idea that the Prime minister is even more out of his depth than it is. Closely related to the Lemming and native to the UK.



Not alert Lert.

Books for self isolation. Pincher Martin by William Golding.

Pincher Martin is a novel by British author William Golding, first published in 1956. Recognised as an early example of British existential writing and for its minimalist style, it centres on a Naval lieutenant named Christopher Hadley “Pincher” Martin who is knocked off his ship. After nearly drowning in the freezing North Atlantic when he comes across a strange, misshapen rock that doesn’t appear on any map. On this rock, he finds enough food and water to survive, and attempts to carve out something of an existence for himself until he is rescued. As the days drag on with no company, Martin tries to figure out how to keep his sanity and uncover the truth about the strange situation in which he finds himself. Exploring themes of mental stability, the nature of life and death, and how far people will go to survive, Pincher Martin was Golding’s third novel and is one of his best-known. It was praised for its unique style and compelling—though unreliable—narrator. 

Wartime Hero Harry Nieupjur. The man with three eyes.

This time of V  E day celebration reminds me of My old friend Jan's Uncle Harry.

Harry fought in both World wars but it was in the great war that he acquired a certain notoriety as 'the man with three eyes'.

He lost an eye in the trenches of Ypres, then, while convalescing lost a testicle in a brothel in Arras. The circumstances of which he never disclosed. He was repatriated to Britain for treatment.

The doctors soon replaced his lost eye with a glass one but prosthetic testicles were not available at that time, however a sympathetic surgeon opened him up and popped in another glass eye.

Harry was thereafter subject to much ribald teasing in the mess hall and his tales of what his inner eye had seen became legendary.

State of the Nation report. Bring out your stupid.

While Boris and co dither in the Downing Street bunker the Government fed tabloids scream at the thick, the stupid and the poor that lockdown is over in order that as many as possible contract the virus  while the Times reports that lockdown is here until July.

To the Government the economy is far more important than lives. As in America, the sums have been done and decisions made. It does not take a rocket scientist to see what is coming next.... 

Today is VE day. I am having to park a German car in front of the house to protect myself from the combined forces of the Queens Own Stupids and the Boris Yout who will be out in force napalming the country with every Coronavirus laden victory exhalation. Is that irony?

The sane have two options today: 1. We can bunker down and sit it out.    2. We can attempt to fight them on the beaches, in the parks, at the street blah blah blah.  I'm opting for the former. Never in the history of Britain has so much stupidity been displayed by so many to protect the wealth of the few.

The plague carts will rattle over the cobbles once more and the air shall fill with cries of:'Bring out your stupid'.

Meanwhile in America Trump sits in his counting house trying to decide who to go to war with in order to distract the Nation, whilst they die in their Tens of thousands, from his Venal, narcissistic and callous stupidity.

Give me strength.

Love in the time of Corona.

The first time I saw her
I thought
She has been unlucky

She was the most beautiful girl in the clinic

The second time I saw her
I thought
She had been careless

The beautiful girl in the clinic

The third time I saw her
I thought
She was promiscuous or worse

That girl in the clinic.

The fourth time I saw her
I thought
Stupid me, she is a doctor.
I approached her then and said
'Doctor
You are the most beautiful girl in the clinic'.

She replied:
I'm not a doctor
I'm unlucky
I'm careless
I'm promiscuous
or worse.
But I feel that is about to change.

We left the clinic hand in hand
Separated by the thickness of two surgical gloves.

Later, much later the night before lock-down was lifted 
as we lay
Her head on my chest her hair in my face
the scent of hibiscrub filling the white room.
I said 'I love you'

and she said don't love me
I am unlucky
I an careless
I am promiscuous
or worse

And nothing has changed.

Men With Ven... 0 to 60.