Portrait of a wealthy man during Coronavirus.

Funny how history repeats itself. In the 18th century pineapples were considered a symbol of great wealth, you see them on gateways to Georgian mansions to this day. Hostesses would hire a pineapple for the centrepiece of their dinner tables, no-one was allowed to eat it... Too expensive.

Now in this time of the virus it has regained elevated status.

When it arrived today this pineapple caused me to exclaim: 'Wow, a pineapple, I'm rich'.

DIY stores kept open in hope of reducing domestic violence?

Is the government allowing DIY stores to remain open during the crisis in the hope of keeping men busy at home rather than drinking their way through it and taking their frustration and fears out on the rest of the household?

If this is the thinking behind this strategy then I am all for it.

Lost masterpieces of modern art. No:1.

Jan Nieupjur. Dutch. b.1897 -

Breakfast with Roy Lichtenstein.

Egg tempera and bacon on ceramic. 6" x 6"
Private collection.

Trump sells the USA to Bezos before fleeing to Cuba.

My man in the White House tells me that Luz Morales; the presidential fluffer, overheard a conversation between Donald and Jeff during which Trump agreed to sell the States to the squillionaire for an undisclosed cash sum.

Later Trump told Luz that he had: 'Got a good deal, a,very good big deal, a clever deal, as the country isn't worth shit these days'.

Trump then boarded Bezos force One heading for Cuba.

The United States of America will now be known as Terror del Bezos.

Et in Isolation ego.

Forgive the cod Latin but anything goes when everything is going.

I started this blog 12 years ago not knowing where it was going.

I now find, in isolation, that a thousand people read something here every day.

Bless you all.

This is not isolation.

We now need to learn how to deal with grief.

Yes.

We expect to die some time
we expect others to die some time
we all hope that we will die before the people we love
to save us the grieving

None of us expected this
unless you live in the middle East
where people die all the time but no-one here cares
to save us the grieving

No one expected this
no one taught us how to cope
quite frankly I'd rather die laughing than crying
to save us the grieving

Death is inevitable
grief is the killer.

How the Fabulous furry freak Brothers helped resolve a Coronavirus dilemma.

Editors note: Young people may have problems relating to this post.



I just ordered some stuff online, you know food and the like and some vodka.

It arrived an hour ago and, rubbergloved, I retrieved it from the doorstep. After looking at it for a while I removed my gloves, washed my hands, washed the items in the bags and then looked at it some more.

I thought: That vodka needs to go in the freezer.

I opened the freezer to put the vodka in but there was no room in the freezer, it was full of food.

I thought. I need to freeze that vodka.

So I sat down and thought, then I thought some more until finally I thought what would the freak brothers do?

Eureka.

I rolled a spliff of a gargantuan size and smoked it.
Waited for the munchies to kick in.
Ate half the contents of the freezer making room for the vodka.
Chilled to a Cheech and Chong album while the vodka chilled to balalaika music.

Drank the bottle of vodka to get over the stress.

It's cool.

hydroxychloroquine

No matter how much idiot Trump
Gives it his blessing or his tub a thump
might cure Malaria or ease gangrene
will never cure Covid nineteen

Corona-virus hatbox.

Path of Coronavirus.

There was an old bat that swallowed a virus
hardly desirous to swallow a virus perhaps it will die

There was a pangolin that swallowed that bat
fancy that it swallowed the bat perhaps it will die

There was a hungry family that swallowed the pangolin
sauteed in oil and garlic and mandarin perhaps they'll die.

There was a virus that swallowed that family
as it leapt from the bat to the pangolin to humanity

It swallowed that family to kill off humanity
to save the pangolin
and save the bat
that swallowed the virus
that wriggles and jiggles and finally kills us
to ensure the planet wont die.

Fake news.

It is pissing with rain outside
the cobbles are awash with liquid Corona virus
the zombies are dissolving in the water
the zombie juice is killing the virus
and dissolving fatbergs on its way to the Thames.

Darth Vicar.

 Available for online weddings, christenings and Jedi exorcisms.

Imaginary friend.

My imaginary friend has left me, he just vanished in the night.
I called my psychiatrist and told him. He said: "Congratulations you are cured".
I said: "I don't want to be cured,

I'd rather be mad than alone".