(Picture: Flickr/Terence J sullivan)
Sunday, 17 May 2015
Saturday, 16 May 2015
Pissers in the sky. With apologies to Norman Greenbaum.
when I’m dry and I can't wash my vest
gonna go to the place that is best
before I lay it down to dry
going up to the pissers in the sky
going up to the pissers in the sky
that’s where I’m going to go before I dry
before I dry and lay out my vest
going to go to the pissers that are best
prepare yourself you know it’s a given
you gotta have a brand of cheeses
so that you know when the water runs out
you got something to sell
we are the pissers in the sky
gotta recommend ourselves
we’re the pissers in the sky
and we’re where you gotta go when you’re dry
before you dry and lay out your vest
you gotta go to the brand that is best
we’ve never been givers, we’ve never gived
We’ve got a brand of cheeses
so you know that when you die
your only hope in hell is
the pisser in the sky
so tie yourself to the pisser in the sky
that’s where you’re gonna go if you don’t buy
if you don’t buy then sonny you die
you gotta come to the prices that are best
yeah, the water prices that are best.
Saturday, 9 May 2015
Why Britain's women war heroes are responsible for the election result.... An anarchist writes.
A guest blog from 'Steve'. Leader of the Russel Brand Anarchy on the dole brigade.
Look. Russel was right! If no-one voted there wouldn't be a Tory government in power.
Women died in order to get the vote.
The memorial was to dead women.
If they hadn't died there wouldn't be a memorial and no-one would vote and Russel Brand would be Emperor or something like that and we could all smoke pot on the dole and that monument would have just been a wall and Banksy would have got there first and an American would have bought it and shipped it to Texas and it wouldn't have got in our way on our march for democracy.
Or something like that you know man.
Look. Russel was right! If no-one voted there wouldn't be a Tory government in power.
Women died in order to get the vote.
The memorial was to dead women.
If they hadn't died there wouldn't be a memorial and no-one would vote and Russel Brand would be Emperor or something like that and we could all smoke pot on the dole and that monument would have just been a wall and Banksy would have got there first and an American would have bought it and shipped it to Texas and it wouldn't have got in our way on our march for democracy.
Or something like that you know man.
Sunday, 26 April 2015
Aspirations of buggery within the Tory party.
We all know Leon Brittan was at it but were told to leave the old bugger alone to die in peace. Maggie knew Leon was at it but protected him. William Hague must have known Leon was at it when he had his 'chat' with him. Did Hague have Brittan behind him when he made his famous juvenile speech at the Tory conference all those years ago?
We all know Jenner was at it but we are told to leave the old bugger in peace, hiding behind the dementia curtain that old buggers hide, twitching.
Westminster is full of paedophiles and amateur buggerists. As long as the buggerists are toffs and the victims are in every sense 'infra dig' the system will protect its own kind.
No doubt Keith Vaz will hide behind claims of dementia when the time comes for him to explain why he protects the paedophile buggerists within government whilst failing to protect the victims. We all know that Keith Vaz would do anything to protect that which he aspires to and from what I can see he aspires to being a tory toff who can bugger boys at will if he so chooses.
As a teenager I was the victim of a paedophile buggerist. I know what I am talking about. These paedophile buggerists offer you the world and then fuck you up the arse and the only world up my arse is the world of poo and you have to wonder what these fucked up ex public school boys find of wonder up a rent boys arse. Are they looking to relive the shit of their childhood?
I am accusing no-one of anything and no children were hurt in the making of this blog.
We all know Jenner was at it but we are told to leave the old bugger in peace, hiding behind the dementia curtain that old buggers hide, twitching.
Westminster is full of paedophiles and amateur buggerists. As long as the buggerists are toffs and the victims are in every sense 'infra dig' the system will protect its own kind.
No doubt Keith Vaz will hide behind claims of dementia when the time comes for him to explain why he protects the paedophile buggerists within government whilst failing to protect the victims. We all know that Keith Vaz would do anything to protect that which he aspires to and from what I can see he aspires to being a tory toff who can bugger boys at will if he so chooses.
As a teenager I was the victim of a paedophile buggerist. I know what I am talking about. These paedophile buggerists offer you the world and then fuck you up the arse and the only world up my arse is the world of poo and you have to wonder what these fucked up ex public school boys find of wonder up a rent boys arse. Are they looking to relive the shit of their childhood?
I am accusing no-one of anything and no children were hurt in the making of this blog.
Saturday, 25 April 2015
No such thing as a free gift from Tesco.
It annoys me when a free gift is in reality an advertising hoarding for a retail outlet.
Tesco have cleverly left space on this bag for a spot of customisation.
Friday, 17 April 2015
Thursday, 16 April 2015
Friday, 10 April 2015
West Thirty Six. A muse eyes view (The death of Golborne Road).
West Thirty Six, spawn of Beach Blanket Babylon, has arrived on Golborne Road. I went there this afternoon by pure chance. I'll be reviewing it another time but in the meanwhile I will leave it with the muse:
Fucking hell, £150.00 for a bottle of gin and they cannot even put a staple in the right place on a booze menu.
As I said I will be reviewing the place later.
I wouldn't hold your breath.
Tate Modern Gifts.
Tate Modern gift Ideas.
How about a Banksy grafitti kit complete with stencls, spraycans, balaclava and false balls.
Or a Gilbert and George Rococo shit embellisher. Containing resin and gold leaf for the perfect ormolu stool. (Shit not provided but may be bought separately from the Tate gift shop in handy 30g tins. Price: £97,250.00 courtesey of Piero Manzoni)
Other items on sale include theTracy Emin camping condoms. Signed by the artist for authentic safe artistic fucking intent.
The 'LOOK AT ME' Nicholas Serota mirror... Just repeat after me; If I say it is art it is ART! (This gift works well with Last years 'Emperors new clothing' Curators costume.)
Chapman brother faced false penis noses (set of two). Now you and your brother can look like a pair of dickheads.
The 'Munch Scream' cot and buggy mobile. Ideal for disturbing the very young artist.
Andy Warhol bald patch. Impress your friends with your impersonation of Andy without a wig!
Warhol without wig: http://jannieupjur.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/club-21-remaking-scene.html
The 'Jackson Pollock' Muse beater. An authentic paint spattered singlet ideal for the 'Abstract Depressionist*' during alcoholic rages. Works equally well on long suffering wives/boyfriends.
The Damian Hirst animal mutilation starter set has been withdrawn due to legal issues... It was rubbish and overpriced anyway!
*Abstract Depressionism: Copyright. Jan Nieupjur 2009. http://jannieupjur.blogspot.co.uk/2008/11/barking-on-thin-ice-in-search-of.html
How about a Banksy grafitti kit complete with stencls, spraycans, balaclava and false balls.
Or a Gilbert and George Rococo shit embellisher. Containing resin and gold leaf for the perfect ormolu stool. (Shit not provided but may be bought separately from the Tate gift shop in handy 30g tins. Price: £97,250.00 courtesey of Piero Manzoni)
Other items on sale include theTracy Emin camping condoms. Signed by the artist for authentic safe artistic fucking intent.
The 'LOOK AT ME' Nicholas Serota mirror... Just repeat after me; If I say it is art it is ART! (This gift works well with Last years 'Emperors new clothing' Curators costume.)
Chapman brother faced false penis noses (set of two). Now you and your brother can look like a pair of dickheads.
The 'Munch Scream' cot and buggy mobile. Ideal for disturbing the very young artist.
Andy Warhol bald patch. Impress your friends with your impersonation of Andy without a wig!
The 'Jackson Pollock' Muse beater. An authentic paint spattered singlet ideal for the 'Abstract Depressionist*' during alcoholic rages. Works equally well on long suffering wives/boyfriends.
The Damian Hirst animal mutilation starter set has been withdrawn due to legal issues... It was rubbish and overpriced anyway!
*Abstract Depressionism: Copyright. Jan Nieupjur 2009. http://jannieupjur.blogspot.co.uk/2008/11/barking-on-thin-ice-in-search-of.html
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
Portobello Road celebrates the resurrection of tourist tat
If you were one of the numerous tourists strolling down Portobello Road on Easter Monday you no doubt came away with the impression that we Londoners are a curious lot.
While Filipino's are busy nailing themselves to crosses and the Pope is busy pontificating to the massed fanatics in St Peters Square, we in London are in worshipful homage to the great God Tat, his crucifiction and subsequent resurrection from a hole called Carnaby Street !
There was nothing open except the nasty little shops selling fridge magnets, model busses, T-shirts sloganing a love of this city and any amount of rubbish bearing the Union Jack.
People pay good money to come here for a vacation, surely we can offer them something better than that!
Half a mile away the peacocks of Holland Park are nonplussed too.
While Filipino's are busy nailing themselves to crosses and the Pope is busy pontificating to the massed fanatics in St Peters Square, we in London are in worshipful homage to the great God Tat, his crucifiction and subsequent resurrection from a hole called Carnaby Street !
There was nothing open except the nasty little shops selling fridge magnets, model busses, T-shirts sloganing a love of this city and any amount of rubbish bearing the Union Jack.
People pay good money to come here for a vacation, surely we can offer them something better than that!
Half a mile away the peacocks of Holland Park are nonplussed too.
Thursday, 2 April 2015
Portobello Mysteries No:1. The blind windows of CASHINO.
The blocked out windows above 'Cashino'.
CASHINO is one of those nasty little government endorsed dens of inequality. A room full of slot machines designed to fleece all who enter there. No one leaves these places a winner except the operator and the government.
Why are the windows on the top floor of this building blocked off?
Is it full of money.
Is it where they chain up the occasional winner until he/she hands the money back.
Is it occupied by illegal immigrant dwarves who work inside the machines.
Is it where they train children to steal from parents purses and wallets in order to feed their gambling habit.
We should be told.
CASHINO is one of those nasty little government endorsed dens of inequality. A room full of slot machines designed to fleece all who enter there. No one leaves these places a winner except the operator and the government.
Why are the windows on the top floor of this building blocked off?
Is it full of money.
Is it where they chain up the occasional winner until he/she hands the money back.
Is it occupied by illegal immigrant dwarves who work inside the machines.
Is it where they train children to steal from parents purses and wallets in order to feed their gambling habit.
We should be told.
Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Help finance Hot Wind.
News of this arrived via a friend. Check out the promo film and click on the link to find out more.
Heck, you know you always wanted to be in the movie business!
¡Amigos!
Our Round II Indiegogo campaign for "Hot Wind" was just launched!
Please stop by for a visit at the following link:
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
Trampolines in high winds are the latest status symbol.
We have had some relatively strong winds overnight and the BBC invited people to post pictures of the damage. Here are 2 examples:
These images tell us more about the people inhabiting the Home Counties than about the weather; they scream: "Look at me, I've got a trampoline in my garden". I doubt if there are many of us who could give a stationary fuck, let alone a flying one about a piece of flimsy gym equipment that the owners failed to secure properly.
I look forward to the new phenomenon being taken up around the world after hurricanes, cyclones and tornados.
Perhaps 'the comparative distance travelled by a trampoline' could be added to the international measurement of stuff index (alongside the equivalent distance in double decker bus heights or football pitch lengths or the toss we couldn't give length).
These images tell us more about the people inhabiting the Home Counties than about the weather; they scream: "Look at me, I've got a trampoline in my garden". I doubt if there are many of us who could give a stationary fuck, let alone a flying one about a piece of flimsy gym equipment that the owners failed to secure properly.
I look forward to the new phenomenon being taken up around the world after hurricanes, cyclones and tornados.
Perhaps 'the comparative distance travelled by a trampoline' could be added to the international measurement of stuff index (alongside the equivalent distance in double decker bus heights or football pitch lengths or the toss we couldn't give length).
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