Portobello Documentary.

This is from 2011, I have not seen it before. It is ok but it could have included a much wider range of voices.

St Patrick, patron saint of English binge drinkers.

The Welsh don't do it. The Scots don't do it. The Irish do it, but he is their Saint. So why do the English wrap themselves in this faux Oirishness and proceed to get bladdered on St Patricks day?

I suspect it has something to do with national self esteem or the lack of it.

Portobello Live coming soon.

'Portobello Village' development from a child's perspective.

A guest blog from Morgana, aged 22months.

I have looked at the drawing of what Westway want to do and it isn't very good.  There are no cars or vans in the picture but in real life the place is full of them, making me think that the drawer can't draw cars and vans or they want to make it a dull pedestrianised area like Huddersfield town centre (I like the word Huddersfield because it almost says shudder which is what I did when I saw the drawing). Huddersfield town centre only has pound land shops, hair salons, nail bars and a Greggs. Oh and lots of expensive coffee places that cost twice as much as Wetherspoons which is the only pub left. I am not allowed beer or coffee so I don't think that is very good.

Cars on high streets are good because they make people walk on the pavement close to the shops and see what is in the windows rather than walking down the middle close to the drinkers and homeless people and the concrete planters full of dog poo and dead plants.

Vans would have been good in the drawing because it would have told me that there was still a market there because all the market people have vans for their stuff and if there were no vans there would be no stuff to sell so the market people might as well stay at home. Especially when it is cold.

I don't like the big pink thing in the drawing. It is not very good and I could make a better thing with my lego and it would be colourful not pink (even though I am a girl and supposed to like pink). This building will take up space where, on non market days, us children learn to ride bikes or skateboards, play with remote controlled cars and stuff like that. I particularly like practising my walking there and have recently moved on to an unsteady sprint. I like climbing the concrete blocks that stop the tent blowing away when it is windy.  Kids do this stuff under the tent because the park next door is full of smelly people drinking or taking drugs or letting their scary dogs run around pooing everywhere. The other nearby park in Tavistock road is just the same. I thought parks were for everybody but it seems not, these days parks are only for the aggressive disenfranchised (I found that word in my thesaurus and like the shape of it, it is nearly as good as hippopotamus).

They should have a little cafe in the park with tables and chairs for the grown ups to sit on while we play and the people who run the cafe could tell the nasty people to go away or they could get a slide shaped like a fierce dragon which would frighten them away ( and their dogs who are frightened of dragons too).

I hope Westway change their minds about this drawing. I have a new set of crayons and will do them a better one if they want or I could make them a lego model (I only have big lego at the moment because I could swallow the little stuff and I'm having enough trouble swallowing the nonsense that Westway are giving us).

People say that not enough people go to the shops under the Westway on days when the market isn't there but if they put shops there that had stuff people wanted to buy every day the shops would be full.  We need a proper toy shop, a sweet shop, a big pet shop with lots of real animals in it (not dog porn like the shop in Westbourne Park Road which is for ladies with rich husbands, not children who want to look at pets or buy a toy for their new puppy. I have a new puppy called Pandora, she is 10 weeks old and I would buy her lots of toys if there was a shop under the Westway to sell them to me) and a place full of coloured balls like at Ikea. Oh. And a Poundland!

Mothers day for the now generation.

The boys came home at three
they are not my boys by the way
but my partners boys but my boys all the same
I love them as best I can
it is harder to love someone else's boys
loving your own boys comes easy by comparison
but i love them as best i can

i love the way they hate me for not being their dad

the boys make me think hard every day

the boys came home at three
after three hours with their dad killing time
killing time like they do each week or whenever their dad deems to turn up
killing time, killing respect, killing love


the boys came home at three
and said they had asked their dad
if they could buy something for mummy for mothers day
he said no.

Yes he said no
no shit he said no

the boys came home at three
after their dad had said that they could not buy their mummy
a mothers day present
because tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow, when mummy is having a lie in
you can go out and buy something with Jan

the boys came home at three
having completely lost respect for their father and hating me for that

I love the way they hate me for not being their dad

of course i will take them out shopping


On mothers day.

Petition to stop Westway Development Trust from ruining Portobello Road.

Westway Development Trust are planning to develop the tented market on Portobello Road. If they succeed in their plans they will rip the soul out of the area. Westway do not own the land, they manage it on behalf of the people of the area. They have no right to do this but as RBKC/Tory poodles they naturally have no consideration for the wishes of the local community.

Please click HERE and sign the petition

My letter to Westway Development Trust:

The proposed development of the Portobello Green area is wrong for a number of reasons:

While the area is somewhat shabby and requiring some money spent on it It does not suit a development of the nature proposed. The anti-social behaviour problems cited as one reason for this 'improvement' is caused mainly by weak policing by WDT and by a lack of interest on RBKC's part in the needs of the local community. Sadly, street drinking and sleeping, angry dog ownership in order to demonstrate resentment and vandalism is endemic in our cities and will ever be so until more thought is put into how to address the problems. Building this development will not put an end to anti social behaviour; at best it will force it elsewhere in the area.

The tented market is, along with Portobello Road as a whole, quite rightly world famous. It is world famous because it is unique. It is world famous (and loved) because it allows individual traders to market their wares with affordable overheads. And believe it or not it is world famous because of its shabby originality and integrity. The proposal will destroy this uniqueness and a once vibrant thoroughfare will become just another soulless city street.

We do not need a 'fine dining restaurant' in place of the tent. The term fine dining says it all; it will not be for the benefit of the local community but of benefit to the well heeled incomers, who on the whole, from my experience, resent the local community and consider us to be rather 'infra dig'. There is enough fine dining to be had elsewhere in the area.

We do not need Westfield type shops. There are more than enough in Westfield itself.

It is horrific that the residential part of the proposal will be 'high end'. If any residential development takes place it should surely be affordable housing for the locals. Westway after all manages the land on behalf of the community and therefore I find the idea of them carrying out private developments on this land unacceptable. It wouldn't surprise me if it was illegal too.

On a personal level, as a resident of Cambridge Gardens (directly opposite the 'tent') I would like you to explain how building your shoe box on stilts and blocking our sunlight for a large part of the day, benefits us. I would also like to know how having a public balcony directly overlooking us benefits us in any way.

By all means spend some money on the area but do it in such a way that retains the dignity and the soul of one of Londons great assets.


More HERE

Cost effective childcare.

Rusty writes from Lizard Bend, Idaho:

'Lula Mae spends most of her time baking these days leaving me with the child care problems.

I've got it sorted:

Dominos 3D pizza printer.

Breaking news:

Dominos Pizza are about to announce the introduction of a 3D printed on line delivery service.

You order the pizza, click a 3D select button and the pizza is printed out in your home within seconds.

A spokesperson told me that the end result tasted like plastic, but then, don't all Dominos pizzas!

                                 A 3D printed pizza.

If I were a poet.

If I were Pam Ayres
I'd rhyme bloater with a
new coat her
brother bought her
to go to the palace
to pick up her gong
for rhyming bloater with a coat her
brother gave her
but Laurie Lee ate.

If I were Mcgonagall
I'd jump in front of the train
before it got to the bridge.

If I were Ted Hughes
I'd have left Sylvia too
I'd have left her to the crows.

If I were Bukowski
I'd have drunk more
and written less.

Portobello Radio: Two old gits who can remember bugger all.

Before you complain about the title 'Two old gits who can remember bugger all' it is a direct quote from Chris Sullivan on the radio this afternoon.

Chris is doing himself, and co-presenter Piers Thompson an injustice, they remember quite a lot and as the area is being rapidly eviscerated, its once vibrant guts being replaced with a wealthy prosthetic community, it is good to hear two old gits trawl over what once was and what remains of local culture including where to get a scotch egg for two pounds on a Wednesday (the Red Lemon on All Saints if you must know).

The show is laid back and informal to say the least but all the better for that, reminiscent of sitting in the Cow a few years back (back in the time when the Cow was a dog having its day) listening to Piers, Chris and others shoot the breeze.

They play some music too.

If you live, or once lived,  in the area and fancy a lunchtime session without the hassle of walking to the boozer (which probably doesn't exist any more) you can do no better that tune in.

Chris Sullivan and Piers Thompson present Portobello Radio, the authentic voice of Notting Hill, every Friday from 1-3pm onKtoKradio.comor viahttp://tunein.com/radio/Kilburn-to-Kensal-Radio-s197467/.

Something is wrong in the world of children's literature.

OK. Here we go… You want to write a contemporary children's best seller, make it as dysfunctional and as negative as you can, avoid adventure (unless it is escaping from abusive parents/carers), make sure it is set in an orphanage, ensure there are plenty of zombies and threats of death, ensure that there is no hope (but indicate that hope might be forthcoming in the sequel) and ensure that there are enough adult themes that children want to pretend that they understand but don't to keep them mystified.

What is wrong with good old fashioned adventure and fantasy?

I'll tell you what.

Modern children's writers do not write for children, they write for publishers who demand formulaic best seller books which only satisfy the accountants.

Modern kids don't want to know about Rob Roy or Ivanhoe or Treasure Island or Swallows and Amazons even because they see them as dated and boring yet the irony is that all of the above mentioned books involved action beyond sitting in front of a computer screen bitching about having nothing to do except bitch about the world they can't really be bothered to take part in.

Schools are equally to blame… They judge children on their ability to read words rather than their ability to understand what they are reading. Schools these days are about awarding points for being seen to do things rather than the actual ability to do them.

I'm re-reading Stig of the Dump, its great.

Cross dressing.

I have no say in the matter
it's all chosen by them
the colour, the fabric
the length of the hem
the style of the collar
the cut of the tights
the straight jacket baby-grows
with ghastly highlights
accessory garments
for the accessory child
are hardly condusive
to the babe meek and mild.

I hear all the time
that I am a blessing
so why do your best
to make me so
FUCKING CROSS DRESSING.

Why hipster incursions into the KPH might not be a bad thing.

I visited the KPH on Ladbroke Grove last evening in order to drop in on a friends birthday party, the party was still in the sit-down at dinner stage when I arrived so I sat downstairs and had a beer.

I've criticised the KPH in the past for its prices and was pleased to note that my beer was 50 pence cheaper this visit. A good start.

The pub was relatively busy and I was surprised to note that a fair number of the punters were exotic types from East London on an 'ironic' visit to the West. This curious phenomenon might be just what this part of London needs.

For years now the combined efforts of RBKC and the hoards of wealthy incomers has succeeded in wiping out the quirky, lively, left-field, multi-cultural life of the area replacing it with expensive, elitist shops and cafes that none of the locals can (or want to) afford. Most of the pubs have gone and those providing live music are few and far between and are being silenced as a result of the demands for quiet being made by the wealthy incomers.

The KPH itself is being threatened with change of use to retail/residential, wiping out yet another local landmark.

There is virtually nothing of a cultural nature in the area for young people; very little live music, no boozer that doesn't have pretentious of gastropubbery, no cool hangouts apart from MauMau on Portobello Road. Perhaps if the hipsters of Shoreditch continue to make visits then places for them to visit might spring up and in doing so create places for the indigenous youth to frequent.

A good start would be for the KPH to be saved from the developers.

http://thekph.com