I have hear that after the publicity gained from the horse burger scandal Tescos is to introduce it's own take on haggis with the 'Naggis'*.
My only concern is that due to the size of a horses bladder it will be unsuitable for small Burns night gatherings.
I am currently working on my 'Address to a Naggis' and will post it in due course.
*Naggis: a horses bladder stuffed with equine odds and ends mixed with oats.
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Horse looking for mum in Tescos
I don't know what all the fuss is about... Surely eating horse is no different from eating cow or pig. In fact I think I would rather eat a horse than a pig, horses don't eat shit!
Monday, 14 January 2013
30 something skateboard dude.
You see him under the west way
you see him in the park
he hangs out in Meanwhile Gardens
and in the Piazza after dark
He clatters down the pavement
clack clack clack clack clack
i pod and spare hoodie
bijou back packed on his back
He likes Zep and AC/DC
plays bass in a garage band
dreams of St Moritz snow
and black Hawaiian sand
He talks of ramps and half pipes
his half pipes all half full
of verts and nailed 360's
and all that kind of bull
He lives at home with mum and dad
works in the video store
doesn't have a social life
so he can skateboard more
He's the 30 something skateboard dude
the medieval slacker
the ever moving obstacle
the clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack
clack clack clack clack clacker
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
The Dutch are coming! Ramsey Nasr.
My aged guru Jan Nieupjur alerted me to this event. It should be interesting. Included in the line up is dutch Poet Ramsey Nasr alongside numerous other members of the Low Countries literati. Details of the Tabernacle event which hosts the final event: HERE
Orlando Seale & the Swell + Tom Robinson at the Tabernacle.
Orlando and his band are great! Here is a chance to catch him in Notting Hill along with Tom Robinson.
Details HERE
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Postcards from Portobello No: 432 Kieth. Angry Keith?
I found this written in chalk underneath the Westway at Portobello Green. Kieth looks angry... Maybe because whoever done it can't even spell his name right.
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
The Kindle scam.
Amazon are a nasty bunch. They are selling kindles like hot cakes to the masses and the masses are buying them thinking that it is in order to read books on them. But the facility to download literature is not what the Kindle is about. It is far more nasty than that!
When reading the following bear in mind that Kindles are being given, as presents, to very, very young children on the assumption that it will encourage reading:
Christmas day; little Pete opens his present from granny, whoopee! A Kindle. But what's this? First he must register with amazon which requires an email address. Okay, lets open an email account for the darling little five year old then register with Amazon. Okay done let's now have a look at what Kindle will do.... Oooooh look mummy I can play games on my new present, can I download 'Angry birds'?
Uncle Dave gave little Pete a £25 voucher from Amazon which is credited to his account. Little Pete blows £23.45 on game downloads without the thought of a book. Little Pete is a little too young to read a book let alone realise that he is being conditioned by Amazon!
Uncle Dave looks for books that may be borrowed from the Kindle library (one of the selling points of the thing) but finds he must activate a free trial to the 'Prime' club thing before little Pete can borrow a book. He must provide credit card details among other things in order to take up the free months 'trial' membership. At the end of the month he must remember to terminate the membership otherwise Amazon will be stripping out of the card account nearly £50.00 per annum which is the actual cost of being allowed to borrow 1 book per month. that is not borrowing. That is hiring a book a month at the cost of £4.00 per book. Little Pete and his family are being fleeced.
Meanwhile little Pete, without a single book being downloaded, is playing games like there is no tomorrow and while he is playing games he is being bombarded with pop up ads from Amazon. Ads for all sorts of things useful to Pete such as motorcars and insurance.
This brings us to the central purpose of the Kindle: It is an Amazon shop in your home, marketing amazon products constantly and as they have your card details every purchase is just a click away. It is like living with a pushy salesman 24 hours a day!
By the 1st of January little Pete is doing 8 hours of game playing on his Kindle, Mummy is delighted that he is occupied while she gets pissed on baileys and watches re-runs of sex in the city. She tells Gran: 'It's like having a free nanny'! All the while she is conning herself that little Pete is doing something EDUCATIONAL rather than rapidly acquiring behavioral problems, obesity and long term damage to his hands and wrists.
QUESTION: Why can I not remove Amazons 'Silk' and 'IMDb' apps from the Kindle thereby making it safe for children?
QUESTION: Why are amazon allowed to push unsuitable products on small children in this way. Why are they not obliged to market a product designed for kids without the advertising and without the need to register with card details?
Parents, you are paying large sums of money for nothing more than the packaging. The Kindle is the IT equivalent of an empty cornflakes packet which can be filled in future by subscription only.
'SUCKERS' is probably the most frequently used term at Amazon HQ!
IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT AMAZON PAY ALMOST NO TAX ON UK SALES...
When reading the following bear in mind that Kindles are being given, as presents, to very, very young children on the assumption that it will encourage reading:
Christmas day; little Pete opens his present from granny, whoopee! A Kindle. But what's this? First he must register with amazon which requires an email address. Okay, lets open an email account for the darling little five year old then register with Amazon. Okay done let's now have a look at what Kindle will do.... Oooooh look mummy I can play games on my new present, can I download 'Angry birds'?
Uncle Dave gave little Pete a £25 voucher from Amazon which is credited to his account. Little Pete blows £23.45 on game downloads without the thought of a book. Little Pete is a little too young to read a book let alone realise that he is being conditioned by Amazon!
Uncle Dave looks for books that may be borrowed from the Kindle library (one of the selling points of the thing) but finds he must activate a free trial to the 'Prime' club thing before little Pete can borrow a book. He must provide credit card details among other things in order to take up the free months 'trial' membership. At the end of the month he must remember to terminate the membership otherwise Amazon will be stripping out of the card account nearly £50.00 per annum which is the actual cost of being allowed to borrow 1 book per month. that is not borrowing. That is hiring a book a month at the cost of £4.00 per book. Little Pete and his family are being fleeced.
Meanwhile little Pete, without a single book being downloaded, is playing games like there is no tomorrow and while he is playing games he is being bombarded with pop up ads from Amazon. Ads for all sorts of things useful to Pete such as motorcars and insurance.
This brings us to the central purpose of the Kindle: It is an Amazon shop in your home, marketing amazon products constantly and as they have your card details every purchase is just a click away. It is like living with a pushy salesman 24 hours a day!
By the 1st of January little Pete is doing 8 hours of game playing on his Kindle, Mummy is delighted that he is occupied while she gets pissed on baileys and watches re-runs of sex in the city. She tells Gran: 'It's like having a free nanny'! All the while she is conning herself that little Pete is doing something EDUCATIONAL rather than rapidly acquiring behavioral problems, obesity and long term damage to his hands and wrists.
QUESTION: Why can I not remove Amazons 'Silk' and 'IMDb' apps from the Kindle thereby making it safe for children?
QUESTION: Why are amazon allowed to push unsuitable products on small children in this way. Why are they not obliged to market a product designed for kids without the advertising and without the need to register with card details?
Parents, you are paying large sums of money for nothing more than the packaging. The Kindle is the IT equivalent of an empty cornflakes packet which can be filled in future by subscription only.
'SUCKERS' is probably the most frequently used term at Amazon HQ!
IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT AMAZON PAY ALMOST NO TAX ON UK SALES...
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Portobello Christmas card: Christmas reunion
Chris Durkin, myself and Hugo Burnham meeting for the first time since 1967! I'd found Chris living down the road from me a few years back but Hugo had moved to a place called America.
It was a splendid evening and one to be repeated I hope.
Happy Christmas.
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Oliver Twisted: Portobello Panto 2012. Review.
An hilarious event on so many levels. Impossible to review seriously; it defies gravity.
The Portobello panto would seem to the outsider to be a chaotic Christmas family gathering, riddled with in-jokes and avoiding all the strictures of conventional theatre. A great deal of the humour stems from the fact that it somewhat under prepared (an essential part of it all) and the script seems to offer the cast a guide rather than something to stick to.
Naturally local issues are addressed: Jamie Oliver and All Saints are toyed with. Current affairs are addressed in the guise of Nancy, who bears a striking resemblance to a red haired ex newspaper editor marshalling her troupe of eavesdropping urchins.
Oliver is of course a girl (Queenie Ingrams), Ron Moody would have been delighted with the homage paid by Jaycee Pandy as Fagin, Colin Salmon (ever the trooper and happy to be teased about Strictly dancing) is a somewhat effete fairy and local scallywag Ray Jones is as usual himself appearing to think he is in another panto completely; dressed as a 'Clockwork Orange' Droog. Piers Thomson reprises his PC Gonemad persona. the rest of the cast and a good number of local kids had great fun! full cast and crew at the bottom of page.
The script is by new boy and co-producer Peter Jack and the direction, not that that direction features on any compass I have seen, is in the hands of Roger Pomphrey. The house band is remarkably tight (considering the preparation they have had) led by the remorselessly laid back Ned Scott.
To sum it up, it was a triumph and like a Triumph it leaked all over the stage.
It leaked joy!
The Portobello panto would seem to the outsider to be a chaotic Christmas family gathering, riddled with in-jokes and avoiding all the strictures of conventional theatre. A great deal of the humour stems from the fact that it somewhat under prepared (an essential part of it all) and the script seems to offer the cast a guide rather than something to stick to.
Naturally local issues are addressed: Jamie Oliver and All Saints are toyed with. Current affairs are addressed in the guise of Nancy, who bears a striking resemblance to a red haired ex newspaper editor marshalling her troupe of eavesdropping urchins.
Oliver is of course a girl (Queenie Ingrams), Ron Moody would have been delighted with the homage paid by Jaycee Pandy as Fagin, Colin Salmon (ever the trooper and happy to be teased about Strictly dancing) is a somewhat effete fairy and local scallywag Ray Jones is as usual himself appearing to think he is in another panto completely; dressed as a 'Clockwork Orange' Droog. Piers Thomson reprises his PC Gonemad persona. the rest of the cast and a good number of local kids had great fun! full cast and crew at the bottom of page.
The script is by new boy and co-producer Peter Jack and the direction, not that that direction features on any compass I have seen, is in the hands of Roger Pomphrey. The house band is remarkably tight (considering the preparation they have had) led by the remorselessly laid back Ned Scott.
To sum it up, it was a triumph and like a Triumph it leaked all over the stage.
It leaked joy!
The photographs are from Christopher Scholey.
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Thai Rice Portobello road. Instant food poisoning!
For the third time in succession a meal out at Thai rice, Portobello Road has resulted in projectile vomiting, not just me but other people too. The place should be shut down immediately. More on this later when I have the time to clean my palate with a sorbet then photograph the shithole and it's shoddy fare. Thai Rice is to be avoided at all costs.
Since writing that another friend has come away from Thai Rice with a bout of sickness. They obviously are not doing it right at Thai rice.
When I complained to the management of the place that sickness occurred as a result of eating there I was told to produce a doctors letter to prove that it had happened and then told to claim on insurance. A good restaurant would be horrified to learn that customers had become ill after eating there and would do everything to make things right and improve standards... Not so Thai Rice. They couldn't give a shit... They sell it though! I suspect that they reheat rice from previous meals and even serve left overs to new diners.
If you want Thai food on Portobello Road go to 'Market Thai' Just down the road from Thai rice... Better food, better surroundings and better management.
Since writing that another friend has come away from Thai Rice with a bout of sickness. They obviously are not doing it right at Thai rice.
When I complained to the management of the place that sickness occurred as a result of eating there I was told to produce a doctors letter to prove that it had happened and then told to claim on insurance. A good restaurant would be horrified to learn that customers had become ill after eating there and would do everything to make things right and improve standards... Not so Thai Rice. They couldn't give a shit... They sell it though! I suspect that they reheat rice from previous meals and even serve left overs to new diners.
If you want Thai food on Portobello Road go to 'Market Thai' Just down the road from Thai rice... Better food, better surroundings and better management.
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