Snow in Portobello. Loco at Retro the pope and Trellik tower..

It snowed on Saturday night but this did not deter the hardy crowd who turned up at LOCO. Including, it appeared, God's representative:

It appears that Rob Alder has seen the light. It was a great night. The full line up was, according to James Simmins, as follows: Delphi Newman and 7 Glorious Minutes (featuring Tino Troy), Phil Ram & The Great Outdoor Experience, Resident Poet Tristan Hazell, Roxanne & The Painkillers, The Freak Elite, Paul J Riley, OJ Jennings, Tim Gill, Conrad, Wills, The Dave, The Retro Virgins and Simon Billing's Jazz Trio!!! Rob Alder rocked the show!!! 

He went on to say:  Special thanks to everyone that braved the elements and supported the event!!! Next Saturday artists will include Chrystina Tomlin, Cuthbert 80 (AKA Darnell Ibraham) & George Frakes!

                                             Snow, not cocaine!

Trellik tower in an unusual light.

Always Never. A valentines day poem.

I met my love on Wormwood Scrubs

he was running for his life

'Hide me from the law' He says

and I'll take you for me wife.

Now, I'm a middle aged shy spinster

and I've never had a man

at this uncertain time of life

you've got to grab it where you can.

I put my coat about him

my hat upon his head

when the old bill came running up

'He went that way' . I said.

My first man was true to his word

his loyalty didn't falter

six weeks later in Turnham Green

he met me at the alter.

Standing there in the eyes of god

the union about to be blessed

up stepped a copper in a shiny suit

cuffed him... 'You're under arrest'.

I says to the copper 'You can't do this,

You're destroying our future lives'.

'He's got his life'. He says with a grin

'For the murder of his last three wives'.

I now visit my love in wormwood Scrubs

It is a love that will last forever

for when I ask the board about parole....

The reply is always never.

David Cameron and a mysterious death.

GUEST BLOG by Lachlan.


One day at school I had the pleasure of meeting David Cameron. It was weird because the temperature was 60 degrees Celsius and there was an atmosphere full of terror. There was a failure because one of our classmates died in a mysterious accident. People say that someone captured him and gave him the disease.

Der Rosenkavalier at the London Coliseum.

I'm not an opera fan, not because I don't like it but because I had never been.... Until Wednesday night when I was lucky enough to snag a ticket for the dress rehearsal of Der Rosenkavalier at the Coliseum.

I had expected to be bored (it is nearly four hours long) but far from it, it was great. I felt that the first act was overlong but the girl on girl snogging throughout held my attention. Things got better in the second and third acts culminating in not one fat lady singing but three slim ladies singing together. This 'trio' is, I am informed the famous bit of the opera.

The set was delightful, the music splendid and I lasted the full four hours.

Walk off the earth: 'Somebody I used to Know'.

I'm late posting this... It is great!

Photography in the Amazon at the Tabernacle W11

Friday - January 27th 6.30 - 10.00 - Open View

Campbell Picks presents...Photography in the Amazon
Following the journey of photographer Eloise Campbell through Peru, the Amazon basin and into Brazil at the end of 2011. This exhibition brings the people and places she encountered on her journey to one of West London's premier galleries. 
Whilst working as part of the team for music-based charity Keys of Change (www.keysofchange.org), Eloise encountered the continents powerful beauty, it's wonderful people, and it's awe inspiring hold over any who journey there with a camera.
The photographer will be in attendance for this one night only viewing to talk about her experiences.

Portobello Music, Pete Doherty and smashed guitars

Walking down All Saints Road this morning I stumbled upon this scene:

Neil; Proprietor of 'Portobello Music'  strumming a guitar in the street.

Turns out it is Pete Doherty's guitar which had arrived at the shop wrecked (it would be interesting to know how it got smashed in the first place) and Neil had the thing reconstructed. I witnessed it's first public strumming in the January sunshine!

Neil can be heard performing at 'LOCO': https://www.facebook.com/groups/344865642191981/ at the Retro Bar on Saturday nights from the 4th of February onwards.

Portobello Music's website is here:http://www.portobellomusic.net/

Black Cock...

Eurozone crisis and the solution. Self burying undertakers.

Friday the 13th and Europe is bust. The Euro is now worth 10 pence. Great news for us as our holiday in Torremolinos will now cost peanuts and Fiats will be given away with the purchase of a jar of Dolmio sauce.

However. What about the 50 euro note I changed for a bloke in the pub last week, now worth nothing rather than being my retirement nest egg.

Looks like I'm going to have to continue working long after my death. As will the rest of the population of Europe.

 Undertakers will be burying themselves soon!

The Portobello Bitch.

The following link arrived by email this morning: http://portobellobitch.wordpress.com/  I shall be looking forward to its development.

Portobello panto 2011. Mick Jones sings 'Should I stay or should I go'

The last night of Robin Hood, this year's Portobello Panto at The Tabernacle, saw local hero Mick Jones, of the Clash, play Good King Richard and do an impromptu version of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go". The evening also saw Keith Allen and Tom Hollander do turns alongside the regular stellar cast.

Rusty, the Diva and weeping into whisky!

Rusty called round last night close to tears and within five minutes I understood why he wanted no water in his whisky; he was copiously diluting it with tears.

"What's up? Rusty". I asked. He told me the following tale.

"I've met a woman, her name is Estella, she is an opera singer, she is my love, my sun and moon, my compass, my mettle detector, I was born for her and she for me and now I have lost her.

My friends warned me about her. Told me that she was hard as nails, a bitch, a diva like no other but I ignored them for she was none of those things to me. The only problem I had was that she would not let me hear her sing, when I asked her she flatly refused and asked me not to press her on the matter. I have to admit that I became jealous of all the other people who were able to hear her sing; such was the beauty of her voice that all men would forgive her divaish behaviour in order to hear her golden voice.  She would not sing for me!

Until last night, fired with jealousy I demanded she sing for me. I threatened to leave her if she would not sing.

She, tears streaming down her cheeks, sang for me. There are no words to describe the beauty of her voice, I must leave it at that!

When she had finished I dried my eyes and said: "That was beautiful. Why could you not sing to me before? What was the problem?"

She replied: "Right you arsehole, you have heard me sing, you are no different from the others now. Fuck off!"

She will not speak to me or see me.

Rusty and I spent the rest of the night weeping into whisky listening to the Diva on the CD player.  Bitch!

London Soundscape on Radio 2

London Soundscape

LISTEN :

Next on:

Today, 22:00 on BBC Radio 2

SYNOPSIS

Charles Hazlewood and Mick Jones lead an impressionistic portrait of London between the 1948 Olympics and today, mixing voice, archive, and music to create a beguiling introduction to Radio 2's Olympic year.

Other voices heard include those of Barbara Windsor, composer Lionel Bart, architectural historian Dan Cruickshank, and many ordinary Londoners, from cab drivers to costermongers.

The songs featured in the two shows are a veritable greatest hits of England's capital. They include London Calling by Mick Jones' own band The Clash; London's Brilliant Parade by Elvis Costello; Carnaby Street by The Jam; Streets Of London by Ralph McTell; Soho Square by Kirsty MacColl; and London Is The Place For Me by Lord Kitchener.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b019444k