Often

Often it is the closest people who fall out.

Celebrity and its pitfalls.

Once again I find a crowd outside my front door, the third time this has happened this week.

They are all armed with cameras and snap away as I emerge. there appeared to be a ringleader so I approached and asked him what it was all about.

He said it was the Notting Hill celebrity tour.

http://www.thecelebrityplanet.com/london/the-celebrity-walking-tour-of-notting-hill.html

A Japanese tourist asked if I would go back in then answer the door wearing nothing but underpants.

No. I don't think so.

John Fothergill

Short stories about tall women.

There are few meaningful occupations that can be successfully pursued in a bar unless you work in one.

Mine I think is an exception; I can sit at a table with a ginger beer and a notebook. When I'm not writing I'm probably thinking about writing, or watching.

Quite a lot of material comes that way, walks right up to my table and sits down:

'What do you write'?

I'd looked up from my notebook, she was sitting opposite me. I said: 'Short stories about tall women'.

'Are you going to write about me?'

She had good hands, long slender fingers; the hands of a tall woman. 'Bits of you'.

'Which bits'?

'So far your hands'. I looked at her eyes then. She held my gaze, imprisoned it.

She said: 'You'll write about my eyes too. Can I read it when it is done'.

'Certainly'. I replied, where will I find you'?

'Oh, I'll wait here until you've finished'.

'I may take many years to complete it. I may never complete it'.

'That's ok... I'll wait'.

Joy.

Sometimes when in a dark place someone will come along and light a match. Every once in a while that match will be used to light a candle. Very occasionally that candle will be used to find the switch...

To turn on the sun.

It is dazzling.

Dodi and my girl.

An ex girlfriend once told me she used to be Dodi Al Fayed's lover.

but it is all right, he was such a coke head he couldn't get it up and I never had an orgasm.

Have you ever had an orgasm? I asked.

I don't think so. She replied.

But it doesn't matter because he was always out of it and wouldn't know and I made out like he pleased me for the money.

I asked: Did he know he was your lover?

No! She said... He was always out of it.

and

Now he is dead I can say what I want... What's an orgasm?

Freedom of speech.

I am so tempted.

Dead puppies and the law.

An exhausting day spent with my legal team. I had initially been accused of shooting Bambi's mother but I had an alibi for that one.

Now they have come at me again with the charge of shooting a puppy.
I'm denying it of course although that in itself is hazardous as I WAS present at the shooting of said puppy but did not pull the trigger. I remember blogging about the incident months ago.

My only real defence is to point the finger at someone else but that may lead to accusations of another variety.

Gosh the law is complicated.

An unexpected memory.

An unexpected request from the ex Mrs Nieupjur arrived today. A short text message asking: Do you have a copy of the marriage certificate?

I immediately went to my box of cherished items and there it was, evidence of a memory like a wine stained menu card from a fondly remembered meal.

Surely her request can only mean one thing.

She was a good wife, as wives go. And as good wives go, she went. (apologies to Saki)

A chance encounter with Art.

I happened to walk past the Lisson Gallery this afternoon. Before I had realised where I was I had looked down into the gallery space and assumed that what I was looking at was a Kindergarten that had yet to be tidied up at the end of playtime.

I didn't bother going in.

I'm sure it was very interesting though.

http://www.lissongallery.com/

Criticism and creativity.

Curious how we like to use the internet to find what we want; be it pornography, self aggrandisement, a date, casual sex, old friends, flattery, our own name in print, a photograph of ourself we particularly like.

The last thing we expect or want to find is criticism yet criticism is the best thing we can find.

Criticism sharpens the pencil, cleans the mirror, asks questions and demands an answer.

I quite often find that the criticism defines the critic rather than his target. The critic really wants to talk about himself, but there isn't really anything worth talking about so ' let's criticise everything around me and try to make out that I am better'. There are very few creative critics, there are many creative objects of their criticism.

Criticism breeds creativity in order to feed off it.

Creativity just gets on with it's stuff and doesn't give a fuck.

Legal advice from Mr Bounce.

An interesting chat with Mr Bounce the barrister today regarding what does or does not constitute harassment.

The law states that if the act is intended to expose a crime or prevent a crime it cannot be considered harassment.

Therefore I have every right to expose Tristan's crimes against literature and art.

(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)